Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

After reading and thoroughly enjoying Karen Le Billion's 'French Kids Eat Everything' purely catching my attention from Amazon reviews, I decided to read the other one along same lines also highly reviewed. I wasn't sure if I was getting much of the same thing but I was pleasantly surprised to discover this was quite different and for me, the two go very well hand in hand. Each author's experience of French culture, while obviously things in common as it's the same culture, it was still very different and very interesting. I could not put this book down! I felt like I was feeding off every word - it all just makes so much sense to me! I guess in a lot of it I saw also things I experienced as a child in New Zealand in how we were raised which had quite a lot of similarities, so for me this book and Le Billion's reminded me of systems that really do work! These days mothers and fathers, often older - like myself, and having long forgotten the ways I was raised, you just feel like you have to figure it out for yourself. I read all the usual books every parent reads but after reading these two books, I wish these were the only two I had read. These practices are not someone's new theory, or some trendy idea, they are tried and true and still in practice by many around the world (this isn't just French - the book's are about french culture but like I mentioned above, my culture as a New Zealander had a lot of this). That is what gets me, it works. For generations it has worked on any and every child and produces strong, secure, happy children - isn't that what we all want? It's not about rules as much as it's about providing good boundaries that your children can flourish under. This book was written more as a personal almost journal, telling the story of how Pamela and her husband got to be living in France as well as sharing about their relationship and other personable experiences along the way. It is well written and very easy to read. Here's some of my take-away notes from this book: - Evenings are for parents - it's adult time. If the children are still awake and around then they understand this. Important for parents to have time to talk together uninterrupted by children.Adult time is a basic human need and kids must understand parents have their own pleasures. - From birth, don't jump every time baby makes a noise, give them a chance to self soothe - this is key because if they learn it young they will sleep through the night faster. (We're not talking cry it out method here - sometimes babies make little noises as they stir and the parents fly in and pick them up, just hesitate and wait first and go in if necessary) - Children and Babies need to play by themselves in the day and not always be entertained. If they are used to their own company and finding things to do, then things like going to bed by themselves isn't an issue. When children are playing alone, don't interrupt them unless you need to. - Give children opportunities to learn the skill of waiting rather than instant gratification. They then learn to occupy themselves and deal with delayed gratification which leads to better concentration and reasoning later on and better dealing with stress. Children learning patience is also a way of respecting them. - Allowing children to face up to their limitations and deal with frustration and showing them how to deal with it makes more happy, resilient people - With food - expose children to as much variety, taste, color and sight to give them pleasure! Pleasure is the motivator of life. - There are actually 4 magic words: Please, Thank you, Hello and Goodbye. Need to learn to say Hello with confidence as it's the first part of a relationship. It recognizes someone as a person and avoids selfishness, learning its not just about their feelings but about others feelings too. A greeting shows they are capable of behaving well and sets the tone for the connection. - There's no such thing as kids food. Talk to them about how it feels in their mouth, is it crunchy? Create interest in food, stress visual and textural variety i.e. not two purees in one meal. Educate your children to appreciate all food. They have to taste everything and its ok if they don't like it, they haven't tasted it enough times yet.Make the meal fun. Don't make a big deal if they refuse food, just try again next time. - Eating means sitting at the table with others taking time together and no one is doing anything else. There is so much more I could note from this book. It is a wealth of wisdom for parents. There are so many things I was grey on that this has brought clarity for me and I've adopted these things into our routines. I would highly recommend this book. It is not a book of do's and don't, it is a fresh way to look at parenting and life - even for those not parents! I'm excited because someone has finally written these things now that have been around for years and that work. Don't think of it as French so much as just a guideline, because I'm sure there are families from many cultures who have followed this kind of guideline for years. I bought this book from Amazon.

The other day, someone shared a "tweet" with me, tagged "DadsTalking," in which a father remarks, "I love my son's curiosity & spirit, ...but he always comments and talks back. How do I get him to stop without stifling him?" This simple tweet, marked by its earnestness, angst and apprehension, concisely encapsulates American attitudes toward parenting today. In her book Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting, Pamela Druckerman, a former journalist and American expatriate living in Paris, seeks to juxtapose American and French parenting methods. Druckerman argues that while American parents often admit that kids need limits, "...in practice, we're often unsure where these limits should be or we're uncomfortable policing them" (224). Part memoir, part cultural analysis, part childrearing manual, this book argues that while American parenting methods are likely to produce entitled, disobedient, and impetuous "Dylans" and "Isabellas," French parenting methods are likely to produce respectful, well-behaved and disciplined "Pierres" and "Paulettes." And on top of this, French mothers are less haggard, less sleep-deprived and more confident than American mothers. Bringing Up Bebe explores the reasons behind this discrepancy and presents a French alternative to the neurotic, guilt-ridden and vacillating American way. It shouldn't come as a surprise, then, that more than a few American mothers dislike this book. (Elaine Sciolino's review in The New York Times is less than glowing). Some reviewers criticize Druckerman for what they perceive to be an over-generalized misrepresentation of American mothers. Druckerman is clear about the fact that she is comparing college-educated, white, middle-to-upper-middle class American parents, particularly those who are also urban, to college-educated, white, middle-to-upper-middle class Parisian parents. Of course we all know American parents in this demographic who don't quite fit the mold she describes, but, based on my own personal reading, as well as my teaching and parenting experiences, I found her assessments to be quite accurate and very often convicting. I'm giving this book five stars, not because I felt a great affinity for the author while reading (especially not after I learned from a different source what she got her husband for his fortieth birthday!) and not because I agreed with every French parenting precept I found in the book. I'm giving it five stars because I loved every second of reading it, I couldn't stop talking about it over dinner with my husband, I felt compelled to write in the margins of pretty much every page, I'm already seeing the fruit of its application to my life, I want to share it with my friends - and not just those who are moms, and, most importantly, because this is the first secular resource on parenting that has not made me feel plagued with anxiety. It didn't make me feel guilty for preferring sleep schedules to co-sleeping, infant seats and playpens to habitual baby-wearing and the "cry-it-out" method to long, sleepless nights, perforated by several nursing sessions. This book confirmed what I've always believed to be true about wise parenting and served as a corrective against the areas in which I am too insecure to follow through on my resolves. And it made me laugh and feel good while I was at it. That being said, the ideas presented in the book are not exactly novel. I often associate Parisian women with French feminism, student protests, casual sex and aversion to religion - certainly not with traditional family structures and parenting methods. And yet, French parenting is at odds with contemporary American parenting because it rejects our progressive, child-centered, self-esteem-enhancing methods. French parenting is relatively traditional, parent-centered and authoritative. In fact, much of what I read in Bringing Up Bebe sounded very similar to what I've read from evangelical Christian author Gary Ezzo, creator of the infamous and widely disputed Babywise series. Both insist that the home be parent-and not child- centered, meaning that parents, not children, establish the family's rhythm. Both see prolonged "nursing on demand," as entirely untenable, and advocate, instead, regular feeding schedules. Both promise to have an infant sleeping through the night by two months of age, even if it involves resorting to the much maligned "cry it out" method. (Although, Druckeman euphemistically calls the French version of the CIO method "Le Pause," the two are essentially the same: don't pick the baby up the instant he cries, but instead assess the situation and see if he might simply be trying to settle himself down to rest; be willing to let a toddler cry at night in his crib for longer periods of time if he is refusing to sleep.) Both stress that the mother and father's relationship to one another not be sacrificed, willingly or unwillingly, to the demands of childrearing but, instead, be nourished and tended to, even if this involves setting early bedtimes for kids, establishing clear rules for mealtimes and encouraging more independent play. Both view firm and consistent discipline in a child's life as something that makes him ultimately content in his own skin and prepared for real-life challenges; it's okay for a parent to say "no" and "it's me who decides." Both encourage parents to be sensitive to a child's needs. And both promise that these principles not only make life easier for the parents, but serve a child's best interests as well. Of course these methods will sound a lot more attractive to the world coming from a sophisticated, svelte Parisian woman in designer jeans than from Evangelical Ezzo. Anti-Ezzo message boards are peppered with comments like "dangerous and manipulative," and "this book should be burned" and (my favorite), "It makes me SICK that they are there convincing innocent new parents how to 'raise' their children, when their own children do not even talk to them!" It's hard to imagine anyone saying such uncharitable things about the lovely Monique, Samine and Laurence. It's also worth noting that the values and presuppositions driving these strategies are undoubtedly different for Ezzo than I would imagine they are for most French parents. (The desire to eat smelly cheese sans interruptions from whining children probably propels much of the traditional parenting styles in France - not a firm conviction in the doctrine of original sin...) But, regardless of motivation, the parenting techniques outlined by conservative, evangelical-types share striking similarities with those of the Parisians Druckerman profiles- much to my surprise! It's not every day that "evangelical" and "French" go in the same sentence! While I was astonished by these similarities, Bringing Up Bebe outlines a number of distinctly French approaches to parenting, most of which are an absolute pleasure to read about. (According to Druckerman, Rousseau and French psychoanalyst Francoise Dolto are responsible for indelibly shaping French attitudes toward childrearing.) Where Gary Ezzo tends to be overly dogmatic and rigid, the French parents Druckenman observes are wonderfully nuanced, strategic and sensitive, all while maintaining their high expectations for behavior. For example, I very much prefer the French method of refining a child's palette ("You may be excused after you try at least one bite of every dish on your plate") to Ezzo's legalistic one ("You will stay in your highchair until that plate is licked clean!"). I loved the French idea of cadre - that is, building a firm framework of boundaries for a child's behavior and then giving him the freedom to move about unrestricted within those boundaries. French parents also have a wonderful category for behaviors that are perhaps mildly annoying and naughty but not worth fighting battles over. These minor infractions, over which both parents and children are meant to chuckle, are called les betises by both parents and children. (Druckerman considers a betise to be something akin to saying caca boudin, that is, "poop sausage." ) And lastly, I love that French parents tell their children to "be wise," instead of knocking them over the head with the overused "be good," and I love that they give children a firm attend! (wait) when they want them to be quiet or be patient. It's this concept of attend! that I have found difficult to enforce as the mother of a toddler. While I've accepted that my daughter go through a brief stage of crying in her crib at night so we can all benefit from consistent sleep, I find that my resolve is a lot weaker in the face of daytime crying, which typically occurs about thirty minutes before dinner. As a result, I often find myself bouncing a toddler on my hip while trying to dodge splatterings of oil from whatever I am cooking on stovetop. The French mothers in Bringing Up Bebe and their conviction that a mother must not capitulate to the whims and fancies of a child when she has pressing domestic duties to accomplish, both for the mother's sanity and the child's good, have inspired me to reevaluate my current approach to pre-dinner mayhem. The French way is as simple as this: When I'm cooking and my daughter beckons for me to pick her up, I bend down, calmly explain that she has to wait, confident that she understands every word I am saying, and then resume dinner preparation, without feeling guilty. She usually clamors at my legs for a moment, and then toddles off to find something else to do, and within minutes, I usually hear her happily singing or babbling to herself. Upon observing this the other day, my husband exclaims, "I like the new French you!" while giving me a side-hug. His expression sobers as he considers the French predilection for extramarital affairs, and he adds, "Now, just don't become all French in our marriage."

I found this book thoroughly enjoyable. Rather a how-to book or a bland parenting book, it's written more like a novel that follows the author on her journey as a mother raising her children in a foreign culture. While I was sometimes frustrated with the lack of practical "how-to" explanations of the various principles that the author lays out, the book is so well written (she's a former foreign correspondent for a major NY newspaper - perhaps the NY TImes? And it shows in the caliber of her writing) that I was willing to forgive this. There were lots of little nuggets throughout the book that I tucked away for future use with my toddler (don't overpraise, give them firm boundaries but let them be free within them, require respectful behavior to adults), I found myself asking a lot "then what?" Perhaps it's all the brie and red wine that French women drink that breeds docile children but it sure seemed like the children never challenged any of these principles or rules. There was a frustrating lack of ideas on what to do when your child challenges these rules (or the "cadre" as its called in French). For example, the author tells a story of how her 10 month old daughter pulls all of the books off the bookshelf. Assuming this is normal, she jsut picks them up later. But her French friends say that she should rationally explain the proper behavior and simply expect compliance. Her friend visits and says to the baby, "We don't pull books. See, gently on the book shelf" and puts them back up. Her daughter not only helps put them away but doesn't pull them off again. Long before reading this book I'd tried that tactic with my 12-month old son. He looked at me, laughed and kept pulling the books off the shelf. Then what? In another example, she relates "The Pause" - a principle where French parents allow a baby to cry or fuss for about 5-8 minutes before they tend to her, teaching hte baby to wait. This principle supposedly helps French babies self-soothe and they sleep through the night much earlier. Again, long before reading this book I was familiar with the concept of self-soothing and aimed to teach my infant son this skill. I did my version of "The Pause" for five or ten minutes before tending to him middle of the night, and by seven months he still wasn't sleeping through. He would have "Paused" until he was six years old if I let him. Then what? But despite the lack of in depth step-by-step instructions, the book still was entertaining, refreshing, and enlightening. I particularly liked the focus on teaching children to be autonomous, respectful, and that parents should come first. That fits with my own mentality on the family. I was impressed by the description of how stylish and put together French mothers are (and a little intimidated) and jealous of the described daycare and preschool system All in all, a good read! It's especially relevant if you're the kind of parent who struggles with being the over-bearing, "helicopter" type and you want some encouragement that the whole world won't come crashing down if your child doesn't get his way or has to go to bed alone.

I loved this book. I already use many of these parenting techniques with my own bebe (before even reading this book) because they seemed like common sense to me. They work every time. My girl was "doing her nights" at 2 1/2 months. She is now 6 months old and she sleeps 12 hours a night before waking up, and she naps 3 or 4 times a day. Even when I used to babysit other people's kids I used many of these techniques, especially "the big eyes". I have always firmly believed in the cadre, and also that kids will eat foods that they are introduced to, if parents go about it the right way. I also believe that America has been taken over by enfant rois that need to be coddled and told how amazing they are for the most mediocre achievements, and they end up never doing anything with their lives that is worthwhile. Aside from the parenting techniques to teach children how to be sage, I also found helpful the parts about how almost guilt-free the moms are. I have found myself feeling guilty about a lot of things, especially the things that are beyond my control. Now I realize that I don't have to feel guilty for needing time apart from my little one, because she probably needs time apart from me too! And I don't have to feel guilty about wanting to combine my roles as wife, mother, and worker into one whole person: a woman with needs and feelings. I like that the French believe that children should learn their place in the home, and that its not all about them all the time. I think this teaches children responsibility and empathy for others. ----------- I am editing my review to include some info now that my bebe is almost 18 months old. I've since read Karen Lebillion's book, French Kids Eat Everything and started using that to help me teach my daughter to appreciate meals and foods. So far everything is going great and I regret nothing. I only wish that these books had been available when I was pregnant since I didn't get to read them until my bebe was an infant and I had less time to read each day. For these books, I MADE the time. Even if it meant less sleep at night. My personal parenting style includes some Attachment Parenting ideals, and a lot of what is in BUB and FKEE. It is working for me and my family and we are happy. My husband is happy to have a sweet and cheerful toddler who is a joy to be around. I am happy to feel good about being woman with a family, not just a mom and a wife. My daughter is happy because she gets the attention she needs and deserves, the sleep and nutrition she requires, and is learning and enjoying life in all its lovely variety. Here's how things have changed since my initial review: Implementing a "French" parenting style is much different with a toddler than it is with an infant. Its harder because sometimes during tantrums you just want to give in and let them have whatever they want, especially if you are in a public place and getting nasty looks. But 99% of the time I am able to stay strong. I remind myself that when she is throwing a fit, she may want a snack or a new toy. But what she needs is to learn patience and good manners. If I don't teach her, how will she learn? If she doesn't learn by practice, then how? I won't say my daughter is the best behaved child of all time. She goes to a daycare which is a lot like a creche in some ways, but that is where the similarities end. There is only one teacher per 7-8 children. Not nearly enough to prevent all the biting, hitting, kicking, etc that goes on among toddlers. My daughter has learned some pretty awful words and aggressive behaviors from other kids that she would never have learned in our home. This is natural and would have happened eventually once she reached school age, but I was not ready for this from a toddler. Luckily at home we are able to stop these behaviors quickly. She has a lot of toys, thanks to her relatives. She doesn't play with most of them because she prefers "real" things and we believe in unstructured play. She uses her toys in creative ways I would never have thought of. We try to only give her toys which will encourage creativity. We also like to take her places that she can explore on her own. Out to fields, to museums, parks, nature paths, etc. Not just places that are themed for children. We like to just let her play on her own as much as she wants. When she wants us to play with her she comes to us and asks, but we stay out of her way until she asks us to join her. Her favorite thing to do is read. She likes us to read to her and she also likes to "read" to her animals and dolls. She basically turns the pages and babbles and points to the pictures. Thanks to teaching her to be patient she is happy to sit still and read several books at one time. Her favorite book is almost 70 pages long. She also likes to "give speeches" where she lines up her toys and she stands in front of them and talks to them and gestures wildly like she's giving a passionate speech about something super important. I have no idea where she learned that. Her pediatrician says her vocabulary, behaviors, and level of self control is far beyond her age group. I don't know how much of that is due to my parenting or what but I'm proud. As a result of using BUB and FKEE to drastically alter our eating habits, my daughter eats a ton of different foods that most of the kids I know would gag on. Her favorite foods include black olives and raw broccoli. She also is more well behaved in restaurants than she is at home. She sits and waits for her food, and she at least tries everything on her plate. She doesn't always eat everything but she doesn't throw her food (anymore...) and she doesn't have fits at the table. She sits still and talks to me and her dad while we finish eating and pay. At home she gets a little restless since she knows her toys are in another room and she wants to get up from the table and go play instead of waiting for me and my husband to finish eating. She hasn't learned to politely excuse herself from the meal yet, so until she does we make her sit with us until everyone has finished. We get compliments all the time from people in public who see her on her best behavior. Some of her first words were please and thank you. She is friendly and says hello and goodbye to everyone we meet. She says thank you to anyone who gives her anything and rarely has to be reminded to say please. She usually does not freak out in public unless I've kept her out too long and she's tired or hungry. I can pretty much take her anywhere with me without any problems. BUB is perfect for me because I don't believe in spanking. I don't think there is any reason to spank ever. I give my child the tools she needs to learn to behave herself. Spanking teaches nothing except to do what the parent says in order to not get spankings. I want to teach her to have good manners and follow instructions because its the right thing to do. I feel that I have the ability to teach her right from wrong, and the reasons why she should behave a certain way. I feel that she is intelligent enough to understand these concepts. Spanking her would represent a lack of confidence in my ability to teach her and in her ability to learn. With the things I've learned in BUB, I won't ever feel like I need to spank her. I do believe in short time outs and in taking away privileges and things, because those are real consequences and they have meanings behind them. Spanking is just senseless violence and teaches nothing but more violence in the place of knowledge. So far we've never spanked and we don't think she is old enough for time out, and we also haven't needed it. She knows what's allowed and what's not. Toys that are kicked, thrown, or otherwise abused are temporarily taken away. Food that is thrown is taken away. When crayons are used to color things that are not paper, they are taken away. When she demonstrates the ability to follow rules and control herself again, she has earned back whatever was taken away. So simple, easy, and effective. Our relatives thought I was nuts in the beginning, but now after having seen the effects BUB and FKEE have had on our family they are recommending them to everyone with kids. I couldn't be happier with this book and how its impacted us.

This is not a how-to book, and yet, after reading it, I feel suddenly equipped to face all the many daily challenges my 20-month-old daughter throws at me. The thing this book made me realize was that I am already equipped with the necessary tools. I was just too afraid/confused/exhausted/frustrated/hopeless to use them. What caught my attention about this book was Druckerman's assertion that Americans tend to blame a child's good or bad behavior on temperament, whereas the French assume patience can be taught to anyone. I often say, "My child has been this way since she was two weeks old." She's always been a very alert, active, charming, rebellious, impatient child. I believed it was my fate to never be able to take her in a store without enduring a temper tantrum. I was mostly hopeless that I would ever be able to control the force of nature that is my child. Then I found Druckerman's book. I stayed up until 3 a.m. reading it because the middle of the night is the only time my child lets me get anything done. Aside from the parenting stuff, it was a fun read, an expatriate memoir (which I always enjoy) with a sense of humor and a gossipy inside look at the lives of other parents of toddlers from the U.S. and France. But what makes me rate this book five stars is the parenting information. The French (or the segment of the French population Druckerman is describing) all share one philosophy on parenting, which boils down to teaching patience, not hovering, not feeling guilt over every little thing, and having confidence. Something about the idea of ONE philosophy made me feel so relieved. I've read about every kind of parenting philosophy there is, to the point that I almost never had confidence I was doing the right thing. I had too many questions, too much conflicting advice in my head. If I don't give her a snack when she wants one, am I creating an issue with food? If I stop her from tearing around the store like a maniac, am I crushing her will? The French would say no - teaching limits and not giving in IS a way of respecting your child. I know my child could tell I lacked conviction all this time. Now she can tell I don't anymore. I woke up the morning after reading this book, feeling for the first time that I actually had the power to improve my child's behavior and make life easier for us all. Already, my daughter's behavior is remarkably better, after implementing a few of the philosophies in this book (and the breakfast-lunch-snack-dinner schedule) for only a few days. There is much less whining, no full-blown tantrums, no begging for sweets constantly, and she enthusiastically ate her brown rice and broccoli lunch today! I haven't yelled once or had to put her in time out, which makes me happier and less stressed out. The best part is SHE seems happier, too. We even went to the grocery store tonight without a single meltdown! Edited to add a follow-up! My daughter I talked about in this review is now 2.5 years old, and I have a new 2-month-old daughter. I had big plans to follow the French rules for getting the baby to sleep through the night - so far unsuccessful, but it's early yet! My older daughter is still a "very alert, active, charming, rebellious, impatient child," and she still throws a tantrum or two every day. But I do still feel better, calmer, less out of control of the situation, and I think this book helped with that. When I re-read this review just now for the first time in months, I was surprised to read how hopeless and out of control I felt back then. I don't feel that way anymore. That's probably some of my own doing, and some my child growing up a bit, but I do think this book helped me get started on a better path. I think the key thing I gleaned from this book is to relaaaaax and not put so much pressure on myself to be perfect. I feel more like one of the French moms in this book, not consumed by guilt all the time (though of course I still feel it sometimes!).

I pre-ordered this book in hardback for our daughter who is expecting our first grandchild in July. I quickly found that I was halfway through the book and now must order another copy for us. Besides the witty and humorous style that makes this an easy read, this book contains very useful information for all parents. I am a psychologist and had the good fortune to be raised in the 40s/50s timeframe in a stable family environment. I believe that many (not all) of the parenting insights in this book were in use by thoughtful parents of that period and were attributed to 'common sense' or some such. Who at that time could have predicted that today most children and their parents no longer eat together during well-established mealtimes, that months and months of baby sleep problems are expected and considered normal, that an entire industry has sprung up to help today's parents push their children faster and faster, that many children eat only what they want to eat, and that today's children seem to need constant stimulation, instant gratification, and are becoming increasingly obese? Of course, parents will choose their own parenting strategies, and this book will contribute in different ways to each of us. I believe that if you read this book and pick out some of the "universal truths" regarding children and their development, you will improve your parenting ability. One of these truths is to carefully observe and become attuned to the baby and his/her "rhythms" rather than focusing on your own fears and needs and letting them drive your reactions to the baby. This is also where 'the pause' comes in - you need to read the book to get what you need on this subject. Another truth is to teach your child to handle frustration and not always get his/her own way - again you need to read the book about this and apply your own common sense and life circumstances to this area. The author's approach is to present real-life examples of what we have today versus a better outcome we might desire, and then talk about real parental actions and research that supports achieving those better results. You are free to take what you wish from this book. I strongly recommend it to all parents and GRANDPARENTS, because we as grandparents must not undermine the positive parenting of our daughter and son-in-law.

I enjoyed this book. For one, I actually thought the author's writing style was enjoyable, entertaining and easy to read (as my title pretty much states). I also enjoyed her analyses of HER observations of middle/upper class French parenting compared to middle/upper class American parenting. She's very clear about who she's comparing: middle/upper class Americans in cities (mainly, NY) to middle/upper class French parents in Paris. 1. She SIMPLY compares parenting styles. Yes, she applauds French parents' ability to raise kids who aren't picky eaters. She also applauds the French parenting idea which teaches children to be patient from birth; she calls it, The Pause. For example, from her experience, French parents don't instantly pick up a crying baby (regardless of age) and instead "wait" to see if baby actually needs assistance or if baby is "simply adjusting his/her sleeping position." Or, if a toddler verbalizes the need for something while his/her parent is in the middle of a conversation, a French parent is more likely to instruct the child to wait than an American parent. This is purely based on her observation. The author DOES NOT applaud a French mother's likelihood of NOT breastfeeding her child. In fact, according to this author, 90-something-percent of mothers in Paris DO NOT NURSE. The author, despite what some bad reviews state, DISLIKES and QUESTIONS this aspect of French parenting and continues to nurse her children. 2. Her anecdotes are fun and entertaining, but they never make me feel like I'm a bad parent. For example, as an American mother, I value the importance of playing with my child at the park. I believe being an active parent (playing on the slide, for example) and using a lot of language with my child enhances her development. I also dress very casually for park play. I would never wear stilettos to a park. Ever. Well, this author notes that some Parisienne mothers are less involved in park play and more likely to relax (wearing stilettos, if that's possible) on the sidelines. According to the French aspect on park play, a child's ability to play independently is important. There is no need to play with your child at the park. That's fine with me. I'm not changing my park play because of the French. The French, apparently, also don't believe in teaching young kids to swim until they are roughly SIX. I whole-heartedly disagree with this because I have a swimming pool. And I doubt any of you readers need convincing on the importance of teaching a young child to swim when there's a pool at the house. Is this book based on science? No. Should you go out and buy this book to give you all the parenting tips you need? Not necessarily. But, some of aspects of French parenting are mighty appealing! Government subsidized nannies, anyone? Local creches for kids that are regarded as wonderful, safe and educational? Having children who practically eat anything placed in front of them? All those things sound fantastic to me! So give it a shot, even if you're reading it for entertainment.

As is the case with many books comparing American parenting styles with that of other countries, some potential readers have felt opinionated - even defensive - before even buying the book.While I certainly haven't concluded that French parenting is "right" and American parenting is "wrong", this intriguing book deserves a fair chance - one obtained by reading it - but some initial "reviews" were written by people who simply refused to read a book comparing American and French parenting techniques. So what will will you find in Bringing Up Bebe? What makes this one worth a look? To start with, the author, Pamela Druckerman, does not come off as someone who is crazy about France, let alone French parenting - at first. As she writes early on, "I'm not even sure I like living here" although she does change her tune later. She came to her opinions about French parenting slowly and she backs up her main points with plenty of research studies as well as techniques she learned from French parents and parenting authorities. As a result she concludes that "the French have managed to be involved without becoming obsessive. " They aren't waiting on their kids hand and foot and they don't assume that they have to push their children to succeed. Even so, she notes that she hadn't thought she was supposed to admire French parenting. So consider her a reluctant convert to French methods of parenting. Druckerman observes that there doesn't appear to be a relentless drive to get babies and children to various lessons or such activities as early swimming lessons. A neighbor was content to let her children simply find ways to play, often with old toys or perhaps by exploring her outdoor environment. Meals are also handled differently with set times for eating and with children being expected to exert enough self-control to wait hours in between meals. Vegetables, varied types of cheese, and other foods American kids might snub are not only served but actually eaten. Then there are the studies. They are certainly food for thought and perhaps some spirited debate. One study notes that mothers in Columbus, Ohio find child care twice as unpleasant as mothers in Rennes, France. There is the University of Texas study that concludes that French mothers aren't concerned with accelerating their children's cognitive development or academic achievement. Instead, they are comfortable with letting their kids simply be children while they still can. The author cites another study which indicates that 90 percent of fifteen-year-olds eat their main meal with their parents - compared to 67 percent of those in the United States. The author took detailed notes as she observed French parents. She learns that they expect their babies to start sleeping through the night within no more than a few months - or even in the first month. They ask Druckerman if her baby is "doing her nights" (sleeping through the night). Admittedly, a certain number don't...but a fair number do because their parents use "the Pause" , not responding immediately to a baby's cries. When Druckerman tries using "the Pause" her own baby starts sleeping through the night, although...to be fair...she does wait until her baby is more than a few months old, unlike the French parents she describes. Even infant mortality rates are lower in France, 57 percent lower than in America. There is an emphasis on a calm pregnancy and not eating too much. This doesn't mean starving but an overly obese mother isn't necessarily serving a baby's health. I won't stress this point too much because there could be many other factors that determine the possible difference in infant mortality rates between one country and another. To sum it up, the author has discovered the "wisdom" of French parenting and has written a book that seems to be aimed at imparting that wisdom to American readers. Druckerman also seems to be encouraging parents to try and change the way American parents perceive children,to not base their lives so much around the kids. To be clear, the parenting advice here is centered on children, not teenagers, as French teenagers are given more freedom but in Druckerman's view also seem to have less cause to rebel. I did have some issues with this book. The first chapter has far too much info about Druckermans' career before moving to France as well as her time meeting and dating her husband-to-be. This takes up an entire chapter. I wanted to get to the parenting observations more quickly. The book consists mostly of personal observations and Druckerman's parenting experiences which are also peppered with interviews with such people as the French "Doctor Spock" as well as other experts. I'm sure it will be controversial and from what I've seen and read it already is. Even so, this book deserves to be judged based on its contents.