I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times

Great read. This old Boomer learned a lot and is grateful to the author who writes extremely well and is learned and thoughtful.

What an excellent and insightful book. Really made me consider all aspects of communication. Highly recommend!

This book is very relevant to these times of political and social polarization. It provides a framework to help us understand some of the reasons for this polarization, and provides some excellent guidelines for how we can all bridge across our “us”’vs. “them” way of thinking. One of my favorite takeaways was to be genuinely curious about the opinions and beliefs of others, rather than rush to judgement and rebuttal. I liked the “walk in my news” analogy, that described how we are shaped by what we read. I also enjoyed reading about how Monica and her colleagues applied some of these strategies in workshops and meetings with real people.

I just finished this transformative book. It is the antidote to so much of the angst and anger on social media...to so much of the animosity and standoffs between former friends and family...to the conformity of thought and feeling that is becoming increasingly expected in our society.⁣ ⁣ In short, "I Never Thought of It That Way" is the definitive handbook of civic engagement, whether it's talking, listening, expressing your own feelings or processing the feelings of others. It is the blueprint to rejuvenating and re-conceiving our democracy to be stronger than ever as we head into the middle of the 21st century.⁣ ⁣ The internet is confronting each of us with an almost infinite array of viewpoints and beliefs...of feelings...which may seem inarguably reasonable when they arise from within our own bubble of existence but can seem patently unreasonable when arising in others’.⁣ ⁣ This current tension in our society is, in many respects, healthy and necessary to find reconciliation; but very few, if any, have addressed it other than for their own self-serving purposes. ⁣ Monica’s book is what our moment needs. While not hiding her personal “blue” political leanings, you can tell that her heart...her mind...her soul...are unequivocally dedicated to a higher calling: how we can live and work and govern better together. Not just despite our differences of belief but leveraging our differences to build an even tighter, more cooperative and collaborative social fabric.⁣ ⁣ She shares so many insights and tips and inspiration that I won't even dare to summarize them here. You simply have to read the book! ⁣ Monica does it with an accessible writing style; personal and informative anecdotes; unique, sometimes incisive but always forgiving observations; practical strategies; and unqualified yet realistic optimism.⁣ ⁣ I could go on but if you want to see our country and its people for what it is and not for the politicized conflicts stirred up by a selfish few, please consider reading this book.⁣

Is it possible to have a valuable conversation across America's political divide? Just when many of us have chosen defensive boundaries to sequester into our like-minded tribe silos, Guzman invites us to consider bold boundaries for political curiosity. This book is her warm encouragement to infuse her readers with this desire for meaningful conversations with those who don't share our political values, opinions, and attachments. In his thought-provoking book, *Curious* Ian Leslie suggests that the real beauty of desiring more understanding, is that it takes us out of our selves into a far greater venture that has been underway since human beings have been conversing with one another. Guzman invites us into a whole new set of desirable boundaries for political attunement across the great divide. I believe this is part of her exceptional appeal to asserting the deepest possible riches of conversation between political adversaries. To do this, Guzman begins the book with her self-reflection on her complicated closeness with her parents who voted for Trump not just in 2016 but also in 2020. She introduces us to not just her parents who are Mexican immigrants who are Trump supporters but also her precious and priceless attachment to them. This prized attachment is not however, a collective people-pleasing bond. Neither her parents or Monica chose people-pleasing political conformity to assuage their anxiety. She informs us at the beginning that she has asserted her full and deep political presence engaging her parents. And vice versa. She gives us this peek into this intimate expression of difference that is not self-annihilating but also not defensive distancing. She draws our attention to this beautiful love with her parents that is not mired in political people-pleasing approval. But it is also not boundary-overkill fueled by polarizing certainty on either side. The introduction invites us to this deep personal knowledge that is shared between her parents and her that includes these bold political boundaries between them. We know these are bold boundaries because the book's subtitle: "How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in *Dangerously Divided Times.* In no way, shape, or form does Guzman minimize our national toxic divide. Instead of acquiescing to wanting mere validation of political opinions as the peak experience of boundaries, she wants us to reflect on these precious boundaries that urge us to build bridging conversations that are rich and meaningful. She notes, "a conversation only needs two things to get it going: willing minds and a little time." That dynamic can spin into a connection between any two people: strangers, acquaintances, friends, close friends, and family members. The book oozes with compassion, provocative storytelling and thinking, compelling research, and boundaries for valuable bridging conversations. What makes the book an even more compelling read is that Guzman's unique and full curious presence comes through page after page after page. I can't recommend this book enough!

"Live life in the form of a question." I’m not generally a fan of self-help books but Guzman has a way of making hers a bit more palatable. Maybe it is her enthusiasm for the topic (I listened to the audio book and could hear her enthusiasm in her voice) or that now more than ever, people aren’t talking, instead they’re pointing fingers, criticizing and complaining (myself included, I’m sorry to say). “We think we have the answers, but we need to be asking a lot more questions” says Guzman. She offers that her book is a “how to” for having difficult conversations with those who don’t agree with us. What we need are conversations that encourage us to actually talk with other people - and not dismiss them by mentally putting them into a category (religious, political party, gun lover, etc). Guzman acknowledges that this can be scary at first but she is confident that we can all learn the way to healthy interactions. We need to ask what we really want to know, we need to grow smarter in our interactions and we need to find common ground by crossing boundaries. The book, subtitled “How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times” is a good place to start. Offering four sections entitled,“ Curiosity, People, Paths and Honesty (a fifth section, the intro, is really more of a refresher course on the issue at hand). The key seems to be to give up on proving that we are right and being centered on the need to be connected to others - even those with differing believes and values. It’s a big ask and I admit that although it makes sense, it is intimidating to think about putting her ideas in to practice. But then, someone has to start somewhere. Guzman is the “chief storyteller" for Braver Angels, a national cross-partisan depolarization organization. ⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is a gem of a book. As I was reading and listening (I also got the audible version, which is great!) I kept thinking "if only we could clone Monica, this country would be so much better off!" Sadly, that's not possible, and I know this sort of book is probably preaching to the choir, but I'm still very glad I read it. Guzman's book has two themes. First, she makes the case that we live in very partisan times where we can't hear each other because of all the screaming. This isn't a hard sell but she still makes good clear arguments and gives us data to prove her point. Next, and this is the bigger part of the book, she hits the problem from various angles, with her central point being: We can talk to each other if we only use the right tools, and boy does she have a lot of tools her toolbox! (As I read, I was jotting down notes so I could use some of these smart tools in the future.) I won't write an extended review, but the two tools she keeps coming back to are a) be curious, truly curious, and b) see the human being behind the ideas you loathe. People have reasons for doing the things they do. Her Mexican-American immigrant parents voted for Trump, and that sometimes upset her, but that doesn't make them evil or stupid. Finally, she keeps the book fresh by offering lots of examples from her career as a journalist and conversation facilitator. The real people on these pages—Trump supporters and liberal activists and lots of folks in between—make her lessons come to life. Highly recommended!

This book deals with the great political divide over President Trump and the Democratic party. Ms. Guzman is Hispanic and not a Trump fan. Her parents voted for him in both elections. She is an active member of the national cross-partisan depolarization organization Braver Angels, and takes you to the real front lines of a crisis that threatens to grind America to a halt—broken conversations among confounded people. She interviewed hundreds and came up with these helpful conclusions. In these pages, you'll learn: • How to ask what you really want to know (even if you're afraid to) • How to grow smarter from even the most tense interactions, online or off • How to cross boundaries and find common ground—with anyone The title is very appropriate.

Ein tolles Buch für alle, die über unsere Gesellschaft nachdenken. Vieles was in den USA geschieht, ist in Abwandlungen auch in Europa zu sehen. Die Autorin hat selbst sehr viel unternommen, um die Spaltungen in der US-Gesellschaft überwinden zu helfen. Es ist ein Buch, das mir als politisch Interessierte viele wertvolle Anregungen gebracht hat.

Very interesting book. Somehow a bit too American in its premise of political divide but I did learn a lot about my self and how to approach situations at work. Worth reading

This is just the book I was looking for to help me listen to friends and family I disagree with in this polarized world and to better understand where they are coming from. This help us to find common ground and to maintain our relationship even when we don't agree!

This is a thoroughly engaging conversation about curiosity and how to communicate with people who have different views than you without alienating them. The author provides a plethora of communication tools to help you as you try to understand people whose views on topics are not in sync with your's. Congratulations to Mónica Guzmán upon the remarkable achievement of having pulled together this most entertaining and informative book. I enjoyed every word.