SweetGourmet Assorted Sugar Free Gummy Bears | 2 Pounds

What can I say about these devilishly delightful little bears that hasn't already been said? These aren’t meant to be eaten – they’re meant to be experienced. I received these only a few days after ordering, and after reading all of these reviews, I had to mentally (and physically) prepare myself for what may happen. My stomach processes things different, so I had no idea if I was going to be preparing a consequence-free gummy bear gorge fest or if I was going to be committing the equivalent of a sugar-free seppuku. I was just going to see where the night took me...I ate a handful of five at a time, spread out over a three hour period. For being sugar free, these were bloody delicious! Still, I was anticipating the worst. Oh, and how the worst met all of my expectations. For a bit, I figured the bears pulled a Gilligan and were just stranded somewhere inside my gullet, but oh, no…after the three hour tour ended, my stomach let loose a roar that would’ve intimidated a tyrannosaurus. The worst part was, I actually fell asleep after about the 50th gummy bear, so imagine my pleasant surprise when a sharp pain in my stomach brought me from my pleasant land of slumber to the nightmarish Hell I was about to experience. I felt like I was about to give birth, and give birth I did.The first blast was the loudest. My upstairs neighbors complained about my violation of quiet hours; they thought I was blaring Louis Armstrong and scooting furniture. Jazz hands, everybody! My cat ran and hid; I haven’t seen her for days. I heard a rap upon my front door in response to the knock upon the rear: ancient Spartan warriors had heard the trumpet blast and had shown for battle. I noticed my Christian neighbors out on the lawn looking up at the sky, crossing themselves because they thought that the trump of the Lord had sounded for the rapture. I owe the United States Geological Survey an explanation as to the anomaly their instruments probably picked up from central Indiana. But, alas, the first arse blast was not the last; like Pringles, you know we couldn’t have just one and once you pop, the fun don't stop. The first horn was followed by a resounding sphincteric symphony that quite literally filled the air. John Williams would've been proud.The dog of war continued to bark, but soon the chain would break and it was to be unleashed. I arose to head to the porcelain throne to give what felt was to be a most generous offering to the god of thunder buckets, and my stoic John Coffee-esque resolve turned into a Tazmanian Devilish whirlwind as my walk of shame turned into a sprint of panic. Some men calmly walk the brown mile - I raced down it, looking for that sure relief and release that a ride on old sparky would hopefully give.What ensued will forever be etched into the annals (yes, “annals”, you dirty bird) of history. A great many atrocities have occurred in the 20th century, but most pale in comparison to that which the gummy bears had wrought. The first wave to any outsider would've reminded one of a Judas Priest concert as I belted out a Rob Halford screech accompanied by the sound of a million guitars. What can only be compared to the violent sounds of never-ending barrage of artillery and gunfire our brave boys storming the beaches of Normandy heard as they answered the Call of Duty came from the bathroom. The collective noises and experiences of all the battles and wars that have been fought by man – the bloodshed, the violence, the gore, the deafening thundering of gunfire – was reenacted in a three minute span. I still have not the heart nor the strength to go back in there after the last time… So much was sacrificed. So much was lost...I prayed to every god I could think of as I rode the lightning; I looked everywhere for salvation. I looked outward and thought to myself what horrible things I was doing to my fellow man. I then looked within and what the gummies left for me to find within was horrifying… I still cannot speak of it to this day.The Great God of the Porcelain Pot was pleased, as I humbly beseeched him and brought many offerings that night. I begged his mercy, but only after about six hours did I gain favor enough to leave the throne room and return to my peaceful slumber. After eating these gummy bears, I feel like a new man. Literally – I expelled what felt like almost all of my internal organs that night.And as I sit here eating the last half of the bag and reflect upon my experience, I smile because I know, very soon, I know I will hear that gurgle an—oh...well...going to have to cut this review short.Seriously, though. These are delicious, but if you eat more than a few of these, prepare yourself...

I'm like a lot of other people. I've read the reviews for the Haribo Sugar Free gummy bears and laughed my hiney off. For me, though, that wasn't enough. I wanted to willingly subject myself to the hell bears of lore.The unfortunate catch is that the five-pound bag of actual Haribo candies is $136. I'm in college. Ain't nobody got money for that. So, with Google as my trust companion, I went digging to see exactly what in the sugar-free bears caused people such volatile, poo-related escapades.I quickly found the the culprit to be a chemical compound known as lycasin. Now lycasin has a fun little ingredient in it called maltitol. This, ladies and gentleman, is your diarrhea-inducing little devil of a sugar substitute. So I thought to myself, "Why not search Amazon for for lycasin?" Lo and behold, after a quick search, this very product popped up. Reading through a few of the other reviews assured me that this was what I was looking for, and for quite a paltry sum at that.So, armed with my free trial of Amazon Prime, I placed my order. Fast forward two days later (yesterday). True to their word, my gummy tummy moshers arrived. Upon opening the packaging, I happened to glance over the ingredient list on the front of the product. The first one listed? Maltitol. That's a bingo.I would have launched my fearless march into the realm of explosive bowel movements right then, had I not already made plans to meet a friend for drinks that night. Two beers, one shot of whiskey, and several hours later, I'm back home with my sweet gummy atrocities, watching 30 Rock with my roommates. In one sitting, I took out half of the one-pound bag.Is that an irresponsible, stupid decision? You bet your bottom dollar it is. Do I really give two shakes? No, sir/ma'am. Being an American, college-age male, it is my inalienable right to lurch from one poor decision to the next until I'm finally forced to start my life. However, that is somewhat beside the point.After ingesting a half-pound of the delicious-tasting gummies, I passed out on the couch at a little past midnight. Now fast forward again to four hours later. I'm awakened by mild bloating and moderate abdominal pain. Knowing what awaits, I shuffle to the upstairs bathroom and sit myself down upon the throne.What happened next can only be accurately described by the words "butt vomit". A predominantly liquid composition, lightly flecked with with solid matter, shot from my bum-hole with all the force of a thousand suns. This continued for a half-hour as my body continued to forcibly banish all non-essential liquids to the porcelain bowl. Finally, I felt confident enough to clean myself up and go back to sleep.Again at seven, the same gut-pain and rumblies in my tummy urged me to seek refuge atop my porcelain tower. In much the same fashion, watery waste material was banished from my colon in a flourish of squelching flatulence and churning of bowels. And again in a half hour, my second tour of duty (or rather "doody") was at an end.However, in comparison to many of the other reviews posted about these types of candies, I can honestly say that it was not white-hot magma shooting out of my poop cannon, nor was it accompanied by the vile smells of high-decibel farts. Farts? Yes. Copious butt-vomit? You bet. Torturous experience? Not on any level. It is now eight and a half hours after eating the stanky bears that I'm composing this review. Have the effects entirely subsided? Not at all. I expect my stomach to hate me for at least a few more hours before normalcy returns to my bowels. It did give me a very ample excuse for not attending class this morning though.As for the product itself, it absolutely delivered in every way I expected it to. The bears themselves are delightfully tasty, which only seems to be a guise for their malicious intent of liquefying the contents of your stomach and forcing them through your sphincter faster than a stampeding herd of cattle. For any intrepid travel wishing to embark on a delectable, yet liquid-poo-inducing voyage, these bears are the way to do it on a budget. If you do decide to take that fateful leap, may you remember the words of David Bowie: "Check ignition, and may God's love be with you."

I honestly didn't think these were going to work the way everyone on here was describing... I will never doubt Amazon reviews again.Last night I had about 5, and though they were delicious, but I knew if I at anymore than that, I would not be okay for work.So it's not Friday night and I ate about 15 to 20 or so bears today. My stomach and my rear end are both making noises I never knew were possible. It all starts with the stomach gurgling. The kind that you know can only lead to a toilet bowl catastrophe. Then the fats started... at first it helped to make me feel better, but the more that came out, the less I could trust them.I have already made it through my first batch of diarrhea, if it can be considered that... it has the consistency of water with the sound effects of cannon fire from the civil war. After my first session was over I had to go lay down, but to may dismay, that's when the terrible stomach cramps started. Like, I'd rather deal with the worst menstrual cramps ever than the cramps I have right now.So here I am, typing this out as I am dealing with one of the many ass blastings that have yet to come. I am not kidding when I say that these really do go above and beyond to drain your body of all liquids, solids, and gases, and all through the same hole. If your brave enough and have a day or two for recovery, then go ahead and order these! Not only are they are very, very, very effective laxative, they taste pretty great.But please, just considered the consequences before purchasing.