What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce Paperback – March 31, 2004

-Extremely thorough resource for anyone going through a divorce where children are involved. The authors break down all the different phases of divorce from the point where the husband and wife have made the decision, through second marriages and the handling of blended families. A whole collection of examples are given based on the experience of the authors which appears extensive. Some of the points that the authors make go against the common thinking, but they explain their reasoning for their statements throughout.-It’s vital that children are in the loop and given a certain amount of notice before either of the parents move outside of the home. There is a breakdown by age of the child involved, with each separate age grouping being handled differently because those children react differently. Again, reasons for any action that’s suggested is given, but the range of issues covered is so extensive and universal, that if someone were to highlight the pertinent parts, they would be highlighting over half the book.-There are so many lessons for every phase of the divorce. For example, in the beginning, the husband or the wife should explain to the children in person as to what’s happened to the marriage and explain what that means for the future, in order to reduce the negative impact to the child. The authors go into the feelings of guilt that a child may feel, as it’s common for them to blame themselves; their children’s actions, especially in the beginning of the divorce, may be with the goal of having the husband and wife reconcile and get back together, and each individual parent should be aware of that; they speak of the anger that may come out, and how certain children actually show no effect whatsoever, but they further explain that those children are just good at hiding and repressing their feelings, but it doesn’t mean that those feelings aren’t there.-Because of the many players involved when there’s a divorce, guidelines are given for how those groups should support the father/ mother that they will be interacting with. Where you would normally think of the father, mother and child(ren) as those involved, there are also the grandparents to the child; there are aunts and uncles; friends & teachers, etc. All of these play a role in dealing with this situation.-Practical legal advice is given, with a number of options presented as to how a couple can separate. (Court; mediation: arbitration) There are benefits and pitfalls with each and the beauty of this book are the full explanations that you get for each decision to be made. (The authors make a point in saying they are not attorneys and obtaining proper legal advice is the responsibility of the divorcing parents.) For someone not familiar with the court system, the explanation of how it works is a God-send.-The authors then include whole sections on post divorce life: What happens if one of the now ex spouses starts to date; Issues that come up when one or both marry; Differences with what is legally in a divorce agreement with what, as a practical matter, actually happens and how to deal with it; the need for constant re-evaluation of the role of the two parents because of the ever changing circumstances with their own lives and the lives of their children, etc.-By the time you reach the end, you’ll have received a broad knowledge in the field. Once this knowledge is obtained, the authors note that sometimes the couple realizes that it would be better to delay any plans of separation that they had. Whatever effort they expended before on properly raising their kids, the effort of divorced parents is increased exponentially. A side result of this reading is the realization of how very damaging this is to children of any age, to the point that many children will never be able to be completely healed from their trauma for the rest of their lives.

Let's face it something like this is hard enough on you and the kids, there is no rule book, every family is different and comes with its own set of challenges. This book was extremely helpful in learning what NOT to do and what TO do in order to ensure the kids come out of the mess as emotionally, mentally stable as possible. Therapist recommended book, just wish I'd purchased it sooner. It takes a common sense approach to each age group and realizes that parents are human and boys and girl react differently. Most of all instead of knee jerk reactions as a parent, you recognize 'signs' and learn new ways to handle them or head off an emotional issue. MOST OF ALL do NOT be afraid to have you/kids in therapy. They need a safe place to share how they feel, that and buying this book were the two best things I could ever have done for my children. Sadly, the other parent should be on the same page, and often they aren't for whatever selfish reasons they have. This book, getting into a therapist, best gift you can give yourself and your children.

Everything you may need to know right in one book. The best part about it is the ages were broken down and you could see where your child would be at. Author really knows what she's talking about through years of helping divorced couples. She's not someone basing a book purely off of studies. Great Work!

Read Wallerstein's initial book "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" and loved it. It has influenced and continues to inform my work with families in counseling.This book takes the research presented in that book and provides practical guidelines for how parents should help their children and themselves in the years following divorce. Highly recommended for parents and family counselors.

I only have read what has pertained to my immediate situation but what I have read was very informational and the rest looks like it would come in very well if a person was in the beginning stages of a divorce or separation.

The book covers so many aspects of going through a divorce- many things one wouldn't consider having an affect on children. It focuses on the children, as the title says, and gives practical help getting through it all the best one can.

I wish I had read this book before speaking with my kids about our divorce. Should be required reading for any couple considering breaking up.

This book is merciless. Read this book only if you want to feel like an immature moron who is ruining your kids lives. The tone is completely demeaning and insulting. As parents we are doing the best we can, as proven by the fact that we are buying books on how to be a good parent through a divorce. I certainly don't need to be made out to be a terrible parent who doesn't care and is ruining my children's lives.

Intéressant et utile. Je le recommande à thérapeute et parents en séparation.

Again very apt for my work ...

I could not read the book. It was so full of mold and the smell of it was insane!....so not impressed