A Woman Is No Man: A Read with Jenna Pick

Sad that women live such troubled lives. That culture and obligation control us. Good empowerment story. I copied this quote. "It took more than one woman to do things differently. It took a world of them. " which talks to me in our current times.

“ A Woman is No Man” by Etaf Rum is one of those books that hits you like a tidal wave. It is a multilayered story that weaves between the past and present lives of two women, mother and daughter. This is their story, yet this is also the story of many women. I don’t know what I was expecting when I began reading this but as I finished, I was left with so many emotions. Anger due to the abuse and oppression that these women had to endure. Sadness. Hope. Happiness. So many emotions. It is gut-wrenching to think that there are women like Isra, like Deya, like Fareeda all over this Earth. This book was brutally honest and raw. There were times that I questioned if I could finish it because it featured topics that I don’t like to read about, domestic abuse and rape. But I kept reading instead of turning a blind eye to the issues. This book was not predictable. It featured a variety of characters who were all very well developed. The pacing was just right with the ending being just a touch rushed. It is full of culture and tradition. I found myself googling recipes just to see what they were eating and see if I could recreate the recipes ( spoiler alert: I can't lol). All in all, this was a heavy read, but it is much needed and beautifully told. It will definitely stick with me for some time if not forever. I love that this is an Own-Voice book ( a book written about diverse characters by an author of that same diverse group). I’ve added an interview that the author gave a few years back that gives her own personal insight into her experiences. https://www.npr.org/2019/03/02/699051... **TW: This book contains domestic violence/ abuse, rape**

This book allows a glimpse into the life of conservative Palestinian women. Thank you to the author for sharing this story. The book was very well written and easy to read. Couldn’t put it down.

Over all, 2020 has been a good year for reading. Everything else is pretty crappy but I have been introduced to a lot of new to me authors and have read some truly memorable books. This book is probably the best example of this. This book not only introduced me to a new author but it introduced me to a brand new culture that, to be honest, is severely under represented. Now, I am going to make a confession here. Sometimes (often) the best books I read are the hardest to write reviews for. When I write reviews I do try to review in a space away from the book so that I try not to let my emotions take over…usually taking a few days away from finishing the book is enough to disengage enough but with this book…I think the scars this left me will always be with me, just below the surface. This book was brutal and although I’d love to buy like 1000 copies of this and just hand them out to random women I see, I will be the first to say that this book is brutal. It does not shy away from the mistreatment that women in this culture are often subject to. Arranged marriages are the norm. Domestic violence is all to often ignored. It is not graphic, but I found myself having to take a palate cleanser (aka switch to another book) fairly often because it upset and angered me. It is also claustaphobic. A lot of this book takes place in an apartment in Brooklyn, and in so many ways, the apartment served as a prison, first for Isla and then for Isla’s oldest daughter, Deya. So when and if you choose to read this, make sure you do have something fun to do during breaks and try to get some sunshine. And the ending especially is brutal so definitely plan for that. I know based on this review it sounds like this is the most depressing misery porn you can read, but I promise you that it doesn’t seem that way when you are reading it. There is hope in this book. There’s characters that you will love and want to fight for and the writing is flawless.

I didn’t go into this book expecting a bucket of chuckles but I also didn’t go into it expecting the hopelessness and sadness and powerlessness in this debut novel. The story features three generations of women- a mother, a paternal grandmother and a daughter and they each tell their part of a family saga around the status of women in their family and culture. This book has a lot of anger and bitterness within its pages and its tied to specific relationships but also to culture which is carefully and delicately separated from religion. So, there’s no need to fear this being another book painting Islamic culture in a certain light. The family in this, though Muslim, are pretty much nominally so and issues they have are tied to their culture and not so much their religion. This book explores extremely difficult relationships between mothers and daughters. The patriarchy in culture was explored but here, that almost feels less important than the maternal complicity in reinforcing repressive regimes of suffering on their daughters and daughter-in-laws. This powerlessness to end the generational cycles of injustice and abuse and oppression and the almost gleeful perpetuation of these negative aspects of culture to me, was one of the saddest things of this book. I found that the elements of culture that usually bring hope and joy like food and family in this book were energy-sapping and utterly joyless. Rather than being sources of nourishment and encouragement, they are burdens and sources of pain and work. I think this is an important and honest book sharing some of the dark experiences within the author’s community (this is own voices), but it is a little on the grief porn spectrum and it felt a little unbalanced. The little sparks of hope and light in the interactions between the Deya and her siblings for example could have been played up a little just for balance. I did like this and I feel like it was a deeply emotional read even if the main emotions here are anger and bitterness.

Although this novel was fiction, it came from real life experiences from the author. Reading a novel from the point of view of multi generations of Palestinian women was very interesting and eye opening. Even once they migrated to America their religion and culture ran so deep they still projected things onto the women that we’d never understand in America as Americans. In our third generation taking place in 2008 we finally see some push back to the customs, but it isn’t done without immense guilt and fear. This book was one long reminder that women are incredible under any and all circumstances and I was proud of the character growth all of them main characters in this story had over time. Honestly this would have been a 5 star read for me but the ending felt unfinished. It’s giving M. Night Shyamalan. I understand the intent but it left too much unanswered and open ended.

A brilliant and powerful book, riveting, written with elegance, flowing style, superb observations, insight, and deep compassion for women, of course, and for immigrants, torn between their culture of origin and the demands and harsh judgment of their new environment. Compassion for men, too, for 'the suffering of women started in the suffering of men [and] the bondage of one became the bondage of the other'. The author offers and insider’s description of certain aspects of traditional culture, still present in the most conservative layers of Palestinian society. While this may be a shocker for some US readers, we must guard ourselves from seeing it as yet another proof of Middle-Eastern backwardness and remember that poverty, lack of education, and trauma always conspire against gender equality. And trauma is a commonality among all Palestinians, who share the tragic and experience of dispossession, ethnic cleansing, dehumanization, and a 52-year long occupation. Etaf Rum does not delve on comparisons, politics, or history. However, she alludes to the context in ways that should invite us to reflect on our own version of male chauvinism, enabled by social conservatism, and to take a critical look at Western culture generally. Let's not fool ourselves: a woman has never been a man either in this society, which has elevated locker-room language to presidential levels, thrives on women objectification, and protects with factual impunity the widespread sexual violence against women on our campuses at the hands of tomorrow's elites. Not to mention domestic violence, the role of our own Evangelical, Catholic, and other Pentecostal mullahs in making sure that women have no say over their own body, or, a few blocks away in Brooklyn, the comparable plight of women in the Hassidic community. Systemic oppression is effective, in which the victims become enforcers and enablers of their own misery. But more importantly, Etaf Rum's gem-of-a-novel also presents us with the complexity of making choices and the dilemmas it entails, particularly for the victims of oppression. A Woman is No Man is an ode to the power of literature, highlighting the many ways art and imagination can change our life, as if, deep within ourselves, lived a Sheherazade capable of taming our own sultan of despair and hopelessness. Indeed, change has its roots in the very imagination of its possibility. And, as the novel beautifully highlights, change is possible. Congratulations and many thanks, Etaf Rum. Your brilliant novel is a must-read and will make a perfect gifts to friends - of all genders.

A Palestinian family, dispossessed, living in their culture's enclave in New York City, has fallen into generational abuse of their women. The author is fair: every girl and woman (and, tangentially, the men) is revealed as striving to belong, to do right, to love the children, to... have her own voice. Isra's family's story is needed by all of us trying to find our own voice in a culture (like our own) that tells us, love yourself, yes, but you? Pfft. You don't deserve it. You messed up. Just shut up and put up. But like Fahreed, Sarah, Isra, and Deya, we hear an inner voice that sees more clearly, that wants fairness, and will act to make it so.

The corners of the book a bent and peeling. It’s not giving “new book”

J'ai adoré !

This is probably the best book I have read this decenny. The difficulties to be sitting between two cultures ; the richness to have two cultures.

Just finished A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum>. What makes this book even more powerful is that it is semi-autobiographical. While written as a novel, it is deeply inspired by the life of the author’s mother, whose character is portrayed as Isra Raad in the story. Knowing this made every page feel even more heartbreaking. At its heart, this is a story about mothers and daughters. Through three generations of women, the novel explores how trauma, silence, and societal expectations are passed down like an inheritance. Each mother teaches her daughter the same lessons—not because they are right, but because they believe it is the only way to survive in a society that leaves women with so few choices. Set against the backdrop of Palestinian life in the 1990s, the novel sheds light on the struggles many women endured in a deeply patriarchal society. It isn’t only about the way men treated women; it’s also about how generations of women, often out of fear and survival, unknowingly continued the very traditions that hurt them. What moved me the most was Isra. She understood that breaking generations of conditioning wasn’t something one woman could accomplish alone, but she also believed that someone had to begin. With immense courage, she took the first step in the hope that her daughters would have a different future. Her strength wasn’t loud or dramatic—it was quiet, resilient, and deeply inspiring. Isra is a character I will carry with me for a long time. Her courage, love, and determination to change the future of her daughters made this story unforgettable. Some cycles continue because everyone is afraid to challenge them. This book reminds us that every broken cycle begins with one person willing to take that first, courageous step.

Es simplemente hermoso. Ame la forma que describe la historia de Deya, Isra, Sarah y Fareeda. He llorado mucho tratando de entender que aun hay mujeres viviendo injustamente esto en estos e momentos.