Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce

I'm a clinical psychologist who reads a lot of parenting books because I specialize in working with kids and families. Here's my review that I first posted on my blog:Intended Audience: This book is intended for parents who are going through a divorce where children are involved. Much of this book talks about the initial steps to getting divorced, such as telling your children, and making custody decisions, so it will be most helpful for parents who are just beginning the divorce process. However, some of the information would be helpful even well after the divorce is over, such as the chapters on emotionally intelligent parenting and remarriage.Author: Dr. Pedro-Carroll is a clinical psychologist who is recognized internationally as an authority in the field of children and divorce. She can make that claim because, among other accolades, she is an advisor to Sesame Street on the topic of divorce. Her website is pretty good, so if you’re interested in learning more about her and her work, check it out here.Summary: This book has nine chapters that are roughly chronological when going through the process of divorce. The first few chapters talk about how children think and feel about divorce, and the potential impact it can have on them over time. The next few chapters are more pragmatic, discussing how to tell your children about the divorce and how to create a parenting plan and make decisions regarding your children during the divorce. It then moves into how to take care of yourself and your children during your divorce. This includes ways to control conflict with your ex-partner, helping your children build resiliency, and ways to have a healthier relationship with your children during and after a divorce. Finally, the last part discusses how to handle new relationships around your kids, and examples showing it is possible to have a “successful” divorce.Helpfulness: This book is so helpful! My favorite thing about it was that it gives really useful sample wording for how to talk to your kids about certain subjects related to divorce. Of course you’re not going to memorize the paragraphs, but sometimes having sample words and phrases can be really helpful when you’re struggling with what to say. Even better, these samples are broken down by age, so there are different suggestions for several age groups. There are also a lot of ideas, suggestions, and activities that can easily be implemented by parents. Overall, I think this is a really helpful book.Readability: This is just like reading a “regular” book, it’s not clinical or dry at all. The author uses a lot of stories and examples to keep the reader engaged. I had no trouble reading through this in a few days.Critiques: If I were creating my ideal book about parenting and divorce, I think I would include a few more chapters about parenting after the divorce is over and the dust has settled. It’s included in here, but not as extensively as it could have been.Overall Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Dr. Pedro-Carroll has provided her readership with a true gift.My fellow clinical psychologists will all agree: when we begin working with a family (or family members) who are going through a divorce, we know we have a potentially difficult case before us. Beginning to treat divorcing parents, whether for parenting or custody issues, is most often a challenge. Why? Because, for most parents and children, divorce is filled with pain, uncertainty, heightened emotions and, often, anger and acrimony. We therapists know we need all the therapeutic tools we can muster to enable us to help hurting families.Dr. Pedro-Carroll's book, Putting Children First, provides a unique and much-needed tool. She is able to lucidly explain what children go through when their parents divorce. She demonstrates a robust understanding of how developmental level impacts children's ability to comprehend the effects of divorce. Her considerable experience working with divorcing families shows in her clear and helpful use of real-life examples. In short, she presents a framework which will enlighten all therapists.However, this book is not primarily written for professionals. It is clearly written for parents to read and understand. Her cogent descriptions will allow any parent to see him/herself; the substantial empathy in the book will help all parents to see how this book accurately captures thier concerns. ALL divorcing parents will find themselves in this book.When parents buy a book on divorce, they are generally looking for two things: to better comprehend what their children are experiencing, and to find coping skills. Dr. Pedro-Carroll's book delivers on both of these fronts. Parents who read it will feel more enlightened about the effects of divorce and they will learn skills which will help them negotiate the numerous difficulties present in the divorce process.It is a fact: divorce is difficult on children. It is difficult for amicably divorcing parents, and difficult when the divorce rectifies an untenable marital situation. Most parents fall somewhere in between. Still, there is often pain and emotional pitfalls, resulting in real discomfort or suffering for children.Children NEED help through the divorce process. For all those professionals, friends, families and parents themselves, this book is a treasure trove of insight and advice.I could not recommend this book more highly. To anyone involved with a divorcing couple with children : PLEASE, BUY AND READ THIS BOOK!!

I first picked up this book a month in to my separation. The first chapter was brutally honest, to the point where I put the book back down for several months before I was able to muster the courage to read on. Dr Pedro-Carroll does not mince her words, but she does offer sound, well grounded (and thoroughly researched) advice on how to best proceed with your children.In the past 2 years I have read and re-read her book. The book is well written, with excellent examples of divorced parents, learning how to co-parent effectively and lovingly while moving past, the past.All I can add is that I have ordered and given away at least half a dozen (and more on the way!) of this book to friends going through similar experiences and every one of them have thanked me for it. It really was in many ways a lifeline to the next chapter in my life. It made me a better parent, a more loving parent, and in the end allowed my children to move forward with their lives, with the full and satisfying knowledge that both their parents love them.I wish everyone going through a separation, the very best of luck, as I know how awful it truly is. I also encourage them to get this book to help prepare themselves on how best to support and love their children through the separation and divorce and still end up well adjusted and happy (as every child should be).

Excellent - helpful - concise.

very easy and helpful read

Wonderful Book!