Helping Her Heal

Weiss' books, workbooks, & dvds (and thus, obviously, the author himself) are extremely fragmented. There is so much powerful therapeutic healing info in his "Helping Her Heal" dvd, "Worthy" dvd & its workbook (minus his Imprisonment-for-Wife Sex Agreement -> refer to authors Cliff & Joyce Penner books who promote loving, safe, & satisfying marital sexual intimacy for both wife and husband), his Married & Alone and Partner 12 Step workbooks, and approximately 85% of his M&Alone and Partners Exercises workbooks (the remaining 15% or so in each contains exercises which are falsely accusatory, toxic, and very shaming of the wife, and thus highly detrimental for her healing). But then this same author who provides a vast amount of high-quality healing info for wives, then does a complete 180 degree turn in strongly promoting beliefs & attitudes of his toward wives which can only be described as none other than that of absolutely and thoroughly gender violence (and no, this is not at all an exaggeration). For example: he very strongly pushes - and also severely shames the wife of being a bad person/wife if she challenges his warped beliefs about this in any of the following regards... that a wife is to be sexual EVEN though the sex addict is new to recovery and thus not yet stable and this then threatens her physical safety (and also her overall emotional & psychological safety and well-being) by him possibly infecting her with a STD which he may contract from his acting out behavior (which happens very frequently with sex addicts), which has serious health implications for her - even death (yes, some wives of sex addicts have died from this very process). And then, despite writing that it won't be until the husband has been in solid recovery for 6-9 months until he will stop being mean/cruel/unkind/non-empathetic (a very frequent part of sex addicts' treatment of their wives) to her, she is STILL to be sexual with him! This is outright emotional & psychological abuse of women. He wrote and spoke that even though a husband has wrongfully angered her or mistreated her or if something comes up in 'life', she cannot refuse to be sexual with him and if she does she must inflict herself with a very unpleasant self-punishment (the idea that he thinks punishment, in and of itself, should ever have a part in marital sex life, is truly frightening). In this way he is teaching husbands that they are not accountable for how they treat their wives, but still are entitled/licensed to get 'his sex.' And not only all of this, but then during sex - no matter how he has treated her in the days and weeks prior - she is suppose to completely deny her feelings and to lie to him telling him what an amazing man and husband he is, AND to engage with him sexually AS IF he has been good and loving toward her as a person, and thus feeding his narcissistic delusions that he is an amazing husband and deserving of amazing sexual experiences with his wife no matter how awful he is toward her. Additionally, the cheater-betrayer husband is to be given the RIGHT to 50% 'say' in the frequency of their sex life. He teaches the wife to listen to her intuition EXCEPT she can't when it comes to when, how frequent, and despite him being mean/cruel/unkind to her, in regards to the cheater-betrayer husband wanting and getting 'his sex' (because it sure isn't that of sexual intimacy). This is all completely and thoroughly outrageous, and it seemingly appears that Weiss has not himself thoroughly cleaned out/recovered from all of his sex addict beliefs and attitudes regarding marital sex, which are absolutely NOT marital sexual INTIMACY whatsoever, but rather that of sexual-emotional-psychological-physical exploitation and abuse of women/wives. Accordingly to his extremely demanding-dismissive-disregard, harmful-to-wives beliefs and attitude, it sounds very much like that of a yet-not-fully-recovered sex addict thinking-belief-attitudes (see Patrick Carnes books/workbook explaining how sex addiction is far more than behavior but it also includes beliefs and attitudes) of a husband/man still being addicted to/very dependent on, the sex neurochemicals to be able to function in his daily life, and in being demanding and desperate to get his drug fix (as author Milton Magness wrote: sex addiction is not primarily about sex, but rather that of a drug addiction, that of generating one's own sex neurochemicals) no matter how destructive, damaging, or potentially devastating it is to wives/women, and strongly promoting that all husbands can fully expect that these are their rights, too. Again, please refer to Joyce & Cliff Penner, John & Julie Gottman, or Milton Magness books when it comes to learning about safe, loving, satisfying, mature, and nurturing marital sexual intimacy, as well as overall marital intimacy. Also, refer to excellent books "Wired for Intimacy" by William Struthers and "The Fight of Your Life" by Tim Clinton & Mark Laaser to gain an excellent understanding about marital sexual and overall intimacy, and the brain damage which sex addiction causes and how it plays out toward other innocent people, including their wives.

I really loved this video. I watched it once with my husband and two days later my husband watched it without me. Dr Weiss has the ability to verbalize complicated emotional struggles of the betrayed spouse. My husband never understood what I was going through until he watched the video.

Great video! Highly recommend for anyone dealing with affair recovery. Have suggested this title to several people.

Excellent resource for couples to strengthen their relationship.

The info contained in these DVD’s is really good stuff. However the production is really dated. It’s recorded as one long monologue. It should have been broken up into sections and edited. Also, I understand that for the problem it helps with we’d pay almost any price, but the almost $80 price tag is a bit steep for the effort that went into making the video. Perhaps if other materials were included it would be worth that price. As is, it’s really a $40-50$ range dvd set. I feel the price is inflated because the maker knows those in our position are desperate and will pay a premium price. I liked the counselor and I liked the info. The price and quality just didn’t rise to the level of the quality of information. Borrow a copy if you can. When I’m done dissecting my copy I’ll be donating it to my particular support group.

After my husband reviewed this, it helped put us both on a path to healing.

CD does not work in CD player, I think it is because of the labeling

For the money I think it could have been better Youtube has some great videos on infidelity. For free.