The New Dare to Discipline

The novel "The New Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson is a well written book filled with lessons from life. The author sense of direction for discipline is beneficial for parents. The back of the book does not do it justice, nor the front. I had to read this wonderful book for my child philosophy class last semester. My first thought was oh great a book with nothing but pages about lecturing a child. To my surprise the book had questions from parents and Dr. Dobson unique replies. "The New Dare to Discipline" is designed to assist parents in the right direction for disciplining his or her child. Dr. Dobson is his own character in this novel and he goes into descriptive details about breaking down the word discipline. He does not suggest that a parent should taunt, smack, mock, or scream at their child. He explains that mocking or ignoring their child will destroy the respect that one has for another. Their bond will be damaged and the child will grow to be ignorant and hurtful towards others. Nothing unhealthy is right in Dr. Dobson mind when it comes to disciplining children. He suggest that when a parent or parents are being disrespected by their kin to win decisively. I found this book very helpful for my future for when I have children. In my opinion I find that this book will be more helpful for new parents. I only say this because I feel that newbies will benefit more from this book. They will learn how to correct their children the right way without any doubt. Dr. Dobson helps prepare parents when their cute wide eye child tries to get away with things. Dr. Dobson is like a ghostly hand helping parents find their way. He discusses how parents should work as a team to be a stronger figure for their kin. Children will grow into a responsible and respectful adult when parents stand together. If one parent punishes the child and the other allows some slips to happen, the child will disrespect the other parent. Many parents do this today. Parents can also relate to Dr. Dobson with his real life stories which ease the parents mind. Like the time his mother punished him for laughing in her face when she tried to punish him. She whipped him so quick that he was taught to never disrespect her again. In all, Dr. Dobson helps each parent find their way to making a stronger bond between them and their kin, and gaining respect for one another.

To read some of the other reviews here it sounds like this is a how to book on beating your child. Fortunately I decided to read this book and make up my mind for myself. This is not a "spanking book". This is a book about teaching a child discipline at home and school. One of the methods Dr. Dobson advocates is spanking, but this is definitely not the only means he mentions! Along with other non-physical negative reinforcements, he also lists and promotes many different positive reinforcements you can use with your child. I would recommend this book even to someone who never plans on spanking their kids, not because I think they'll get talked into spanking by this book (although he does make a good argument for it), but rather because his method and philosophy could be implemented even without spanking. This book delivers an important message about discipline that I think all parents should rather, regardless of which side of the spanking camp they're on. Basically the most important (but definitely not only) message I got from this was is if your child openly and defiantly decides to challenge your authority, you should win that battle decisively. Spanking is but one method to win that battle. If more children respected their parents' authority our kids would be a lot better off. Of course that assumes the parents are deserving of respect, but if you're taking the time to read parenting book reviews I assume that you are. :) Still not convinced this book that this book isn't only about spanking? In his book Dr. Dobson states that: * All out spankings are not often required. * Spankings should be reserved for a child's moments of greatest antagonism, usually occurring after the third birthday. * As a general guideline, most corporal punishment should be finished prior to first grade. * There are children for whom spanking is not appropriate (he gives specific examples of this, but he also states that "there is no substitute for knowledge and understanding of a particular boy or girl"). Lastly, this book isn't solely about discipline. I was also pleasantly surprised by the large amount of time spent addressing problems and solutions that come up during elementary through high school education. There are also sections on sex ed and drugs.

This is a good book and the underlying philosophy of the author is consistent with our parenting approaches. We have read different appoaches so as to have as many tools in our toolbox as possible but the idea of parents being parents first instead of friends is a fairly consistent theme in our house. As indicated in this book, I find that our kids operate better with boundaries and knowing exactly where they are. They seem to crave it and feel loved with the consistency. I am by far the stricter parent but it does not impact the warmth in my relationship with them, if anything it is stronger. Another technique that works well for is us is letting kid know what to expect and when. "In five minutes it will be bathtime and I want you to go in and get your towels ready. Okay bath time...." or "We are going to go home, have some lunch and then it will be naptime. We have to take a nap on time otherwise there won't be time to ......"going to the park etc" before the day is over" If we nap late we will just skip going to the park because there will be no time. It makes them responsible for keeping the schedule which is less stress on mom. I do wish it had a few more specific examples of exactly how to deal with some behaviors---whining at church or kids saying embarassing or impolite things or acting silly, dumper and shy when they know what is being asked.

I am deeply saddened to see much of the negative, and frankly, flat out inaccurate information that many people have written in their reviews about this book. Before reading this book, I read many reviews, particularly the negative ones. And, after having carefully read the book, I am dismayed at how many reviewers clearly have not read it as their reviews grossly did not reflect what was in it. My expectation was that Dare to Disclipline was going to be an advice book based on Dr. Dobson's experience. And while he did share many of his experiences (which were in an impressive variety of settings with children and families), I was surprised to see that it was far more what I would consider a summary of research study findings, and MANY thereof. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT a spanking book or a book advocating voilence in any way, and Dr. Dobson makes that very clear in his book. To suggest that these claims are made is simply pure fallacy. Lastly, I want to state that before reading this book, I knew virtually nothing of Dr. Dobson except that he is a significant part of "Focus on the Family." And since having read this book and starting another, which I am only 1/3rd of the way into and it has already well-surpassed the number of research references that Dare to Disclipline had in it as a whole, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Dr. Dobson. I cannot think of someone more qualified to write books about raising children than a man of his education, profound experience, and sheer eloquence in the delivery of such often sensitive information. I am grateful that such a person is available to give parents such valuable information, and I hope readers get as much out of it as I did.

It’s a must read for all parents

Before I begin, a little about me: I'm 24 & have no kids, yet. I was not raised according to Dr Dobson's advice for the most part, but I did experience parental violence. I am about to graduate with a B.S. in biology and I am a yoga practitioner and a vegetarian, with a deepening practice of ahimsa(nonviolence). And, not that this should matter, I'm Jewish although my background is Southern Baptist. </full disclosure> I have read this version of Dare to Discipline multiple times, reflecting on my own childhood and how I want to raise my kids. After much thought, I have come to the decision that judicious spanking, under certain well-defined circumstances, is discipline, not violence. Some circumstances that make it discipline are: * Deliberate breaking of an important rule, such as harming other children * Reasonable, nondamaging punishment * Never punishing in anger * Maintaining consistency * Discerning between a child who will respond to physical punishment, and a child who would do better with other types of responses A child ought always be able to avoid being spanked, because he knows the rules and he can reasonably expect to be spanked for doing X terrible thing. Something Dr Dobson doesn't cover in great detail is the concept of not humiliating your children; humiliation breeds resentment and distrust. By and large, I think it's worthwhile to read Dare to Discipline, if you're able to approach it with an open mind and take the good and leave the bad. There is more good than bad. In my experience, it seems that too many parents today are unable to establish authority in their families, something that both they and their children need. I believe in the rights of children, but what one also needs to take into account is that it is the responsibility of parents to guide and protect their children until they've gained the experience necessary to make reasonable decisions. Dr Dobson articulates these concepts of loving authority very well, and although I will not follow his suggestions for the most part, I feel that his foundation is strong and his ideas are worth thinking about. As a child, I experienced both a lack of boundaries and discipline, which has caused many problems for me later in life, and the physical violence of both my parents, which is a place I don't want to take my own children. Both of those issues stemmed from a lack of control, and the violence was exacerbated by our toxic family environment and the inability to deal with emotional problems. I've come to realize that both discipline and nondiscipline can be administered in healthy ways; there is no one true path, and each child is different. But it's important to distinguish between healthy discipline and toxic discipline and frankly, I think if you can't administer discipline in a healthy way, you also can't administer a more free-form family style in a healthy way. Just my two cents! I also feel the need to point out that what some people have apparently experienced as "discipline" is clearly abuse masquerading as discipline, just as some abuse masquerades as clinging love. I don't just mean physical discipline here, I mean emotional and mental as well. These distinctions are important- until we understand what is really happening, we can't address the issue of abuse meaningfully.

I read this book 5 times before my first born strong-willed child was 5 years old. I read the Strong-willed Child and it is good BUT IMHO The New Dare To Discipline is the best resource on the market. Not only did I read it cover to cover 5 times but I would go back to it from time to time. Dr. Dobson is a trusted and respected psychiatrist who has been ministering to families for many years. Excellent resource for parents to use BEFORE their child's behavior gets out of hand. I've started giving it as gifts to new parents.

GOOD

Great book for parents for raising children. The earlier they read it the better for the parents and their children. Contains practical advice for handling and disciplining children. Bit difficult to read, the author could have added few more anecdotes to make it more interesting.

In a generation where discipline is not the priority, in a world full of lies and blindness. This books gets us back to basics in discipline and review how it is something beneficial rather than abusive as some people say. Must read

My children were brought up on the original Dare to Discipline, so when my best friend wanted a book for her son and daughter-in-law she naturally asked me about it! James Dobson fully understands how to bring up children, and love them through all the problems of discipline. He solved no end of problems for me, and is now really helping my Godson's family, and lots of other people I have recommended him to. If you have any doubts about the way you bring up your children, then this is the book for you. If you have no doubts - then you probably need it just as much!

This books offers clear guidelines to discipline loved children. Being a father is an overwhelming challenge, this book helps you diffuse the noise and false advice and to focus on the true family values, particularly love and respect.

A must read for any parent with small children. Super informative.