Ending Sibling Rivalry: Moving Your Kids from War to Peace Paperback – October 1, 2014

I finished reading your Sibling book yesterday and wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it. Your writing is clear and thoughtful. I enjoyed reading anecdotes from other parents along with your own, and especially appreciated the fact that you included things not typically addressed, like welcoming a new baby or other family member. Or maybe they are typically addressed, and I just haven't read those books--anyway, there is a great deal to commend your book.The section on forgiveness was actually a very important reminder to me, and very timely. I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with conflicts between children, whether or not they are siblings.

Unless you are a devout Christian, this book will not be helpful to you. I had high hopes for some guidance to help with the constant fighting of my two sons, and I'm going to need more than "pray" and "memorize scripture", which were her starting recommendations. Examples she uses are from the Bible, instead of real life. This author has no real research or credentials to guide her recommendations - she interviewed and surveyed a whopping 60 families ... that's it, and then she wrote a book. I stopped reading after the first two chapters, as it was clear it wasn't going to help, and I couldn't relate to the numerous biblical references. Also, based on her suggestions, I had to infer her kids really didn't fight ... I mean really FIGHT ... the way mine do. I was hoping for structure and guidance, and this fell completely short.

Highly suggest this book if you are dealing with sibling conflict in your family. Even if you aren't, the principles here can be applied towards teaching your children to have a servant's heart (something we all want our kids to have, I hope!) Sarah's no-nonsense, practical approach gives directive advice on how to bring the peace back to your home. A must read for parent's of multiple children!

Let’s be honest. Most of us were not prepared to be parents. As someone wise once said: parenting is a job that is mostly learned by doing and when you get the hang of it, it’s over. Sibling rivalry is part of that mysterious process that is both frustrating and enigmatic. When Sarah told me that she was writing a book on sibling rivalry, I was more than a bit curious.Why is sibling rivalry important? Siblings are surprisingly important—our first and longest running relationships are with our siblings. Eighty percent of us have them (12). How we relate with our siblings (or not) accordingly affects how we deal with just about everyone else. If anger management and conflict resolutions skills are not learned in the family context, chances are good that they will not be learned at all. If they are learned in the context of family, then chances are good that a lifetime of benefits will accrue (22).Family civility cannot be assumed. As Hamaker reminds us, the first stories in the bible of siblings, do not end well. Cain murders his brother, Abel; Jacob rips his brother, Esau, off; Joseph gets sold into slavery by his brothers (19-22). Biblical failures need not be our failures!An experienced parent herself, Sarah focuses on moving beyond conflict. She offers parents both things to think about and ideas to implement. For example, she asks parents to develop a mission statement for their kids. She says: if someone asked you to describe each of your children as age thirty, what would you say? (24) She observes that most parents asked this question respond, not with a list of achievements (education, jobs, status symbols …), but with character traits (compassionate, Godly, hardworking…) If this is what we want to see in our grown children, then how to do work to instill these qualities when they are young? (25).Hamaker writes Ending Sibling Rivalry in 10 chapters, preceded by acknowledgments and an introduction and followed by conclusions and chapter notes. The chapters are:1. The Importance of Getting Along;2. Thinking the Best, Not the Worst;3. Competition;4. Comparison/Favorites;5. Separate and Unequal (Fairness);6. The Blessings of Siblings;7. Conflict Resolution;8. One-on-One Time;9. Breathing Room; and10. Introducing New Siblings (7).Sarah is not just an experienced parent; she is also a certified leadership parenting coach. She also blogs on parenting issues (www.ParentCoachNOVA.com). I know her as a leader in the Capital Christian Writers club (www.CapitalChristianWriters.org).My own kids are now all college graduates. Yet, the scars of sibling rivalry are still obvious—if you know where to look. When Sarah asks: Have you ever looked at your kids fighting and seen an opportunity for personal growth? (105) I can honestly say: no, never. But, I wish that I had.Sarah’s discussion of Mathew 7:1-5 , 18:15-16 , and 7:12 points to my weakness as a teacher of biblical principles to my children. Although I did, in fact, teach my kids the golden rule (Matthew 7:12), my own lack of focus in bible knowledge came across in my parenting. I taught my kids to read from children’s bibles, but did not focus on the particular lessons that might have critically aided their development—like conflict resolution—the focus of these particular verses.Hamaker’s Ending Sibling Rivalry is readable and includes results of her own parent survey. If you are a parent of young kids or even teens, it is definitely worth taking a look.

Whether it's someone sitting too closely to the other in the back seat or a battle over what movie to watch, there's always some sort of sibling issue going on in my household of three children - ages 17, 11, & 7. In Ending Sibling Rivalry, author Sarah Hamaker provides insights into why sibling rivalry exists and how parents can eradicate this issue once and for all. It was especially eye-opening to read about parent's actions that contribute to sibling quarrels. Sarah also offers excellent advice and strategies on how to make the changes that will lead children to peace. Since implementing a few of her tips, I've seen some improvement in their relationships. Less bickering and more cooperating. I'm so grateful for this excellent resource; thanks Sarah!