Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness, Updated 2021 Edition Paperback – April 22, 1997

"Conversationally Speaking" was a great book. It taught me some great ideas about the architecture of conversation, such as how to ask questions, use active listening, take advantage of free information, and disagree with others. The book is concise and easy to understand, and the information is valuable to anyone who wants to know how to converse effectively.

I ordered this book about 3 months ago and, as recommended in chapter one, I've been reading a chapter at a time, then trying out the suggestions. So far, with very minor changes in my behavior, I've seen very positive results.I think that to say this book is for wallflowers only is superior and misleading. (I don't know anyone who couldn't polish up their social act a bit.)Inwardly I have anxiety relating to people, sometimes mild or moderate, sometimes severe, but outwardly people tell me I seem extremely friendly and at ease. I'm not a mute or stammering wallflower. And I'm finding the suggestions in this book useful and interesting.I noticed that I was tending to monopolize conversations, partially I think as a nervous habit. I wanted to be a better listener. This book shows you how to ask the kind of questions that put people at ease and help them open up and share their most interesting stories. Also tips on body language, how to give compliments without triggering knee-jerk modest responses, and how the talk yourself through moments of self-doubt. All good, basic strategies. I feel secure knowing these techniques are based on statistical evidence and clinical study of how people react and behave.Sometimes the sample dialogue is hockey; you have to dismiss the seemingly 50's style lingo and focus on the technique being illustrated (e.g. follow up a compliment with a related open-ended question). I think this book will help people who want to cultivate warm, comfortable relationships and feel more socially at ease and effective.

I am always on the lookout for books to help me master conversion. This was full of simple actionable tips to be better at starting or keeping a conversation going. My favorite part was how to handle criticism.

There are 96 reviews of Conversationally Speaking on Amazon, and 95 of them are positive. They have titles like "Saved my son!," "Excellent book," "Great book," and "The techniques work." Give it a look, it's quite remarkable. Myself, I read the book to work on confidence, and I am much less shy nowadays thanks to the things I learned.There is one review here that is negative, and as luck would have it, it's placed first. It condemns the book as a "pickup book"- I suppose some of us could use some help in that regard so I'm not sure what's so wrong. And it simultaneously "exudes feelings of homophobia" without giving any examples.Two of the most famous psychologists have given endorsements on the cover of this book. Aaron Beck, MD, University Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, wrote, "Conversationally Speaking is of great value for people who want to sharpen their skills in interpersonal relations. I routinely recommend it." And Dr. Albert Ellis, the founder of the Cognitive Therapy school of psychology, who is followed by 4000 psychologists and counselors, calls it on the cover "An exceptionally clear, highly effective book on conversational skills."They say that if there is a heaven, there'll still be some people who will have complaints about it. I think our critic here is such a person.

Great read but didn't really help me. If you can't have conversations then this is the book for you. Another note if you have issues with expressing emotion this is not the book for you. Out dated too.

Highly recommended! One of the very best books on basic conversation and social skills. (Needed now more than ever.)Alan Garner's book has been a favorite of mine for over 40 years. (Not kidding -- the first version I own is dated 1980.) It was desperately in need of an update and that update was masterfully done by Prof Mandy! I'm delighted that this classic gets new life for a new generation.I am forever grateful to Alan Garner for this work and for his handing it over to a new author for a new life. Well done!(One trivial nitpick: Albert Ellis' system should be referred to as REBT, not RET.)

The author knows what he is talking about. I'm getting to know more people better as I apply these skills. Just the tip alone on asking open ended questions has given me more confidence in speaking to friends and strangers alike. I no longer have people just pass me by anymore.My only critical comment is that Alan could elaborate with more examples and descriptions, maybe some exercises. At times I feel I'm just getting warmed up when he ends the chapter.Nevertheless, I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs more skills in talking to others and making new friends.