Pro-Voice: How to Keep Listening When the World Wants a Fight

What a fantastic book! An important read for anyone involved in the abortion debate, or any conflict, for that matter.Aspen Baker eloquently describes the concept of pro-voice and how listening and ethical story sharing are the solutions to many of the political issues we face today. Imagine if we all approached debates by actually listening and with empathy instead of contempt and judgement? Well, Aspen Baker and Exhale working hard to make that a reality.This book makes me believe in the power of peace and the good in the world. I highly recommend reading this if you're in need of some good vibes and want to know how to share pro-voice in your life.

The abortion debates is the last place I would have looked for inspiration in methods of handling the major political and social problems of the world. Politically I've always thought of abortion -- the topic of abortion, that is -- as part of a fraud. A so-called democracy is limited to two political parties, both of which serve corporate monopolies, both of which invest primarily in war preparations, both of which cavalierly sacrifice the future habitability of the planet as well as the immediate survival of numerous species, both of which advance income inequality, both of which strip away our civil liberties -- and yet, the two of which are depicted as diametrically opposed, supposedly offering us a world of difference at the polling place. And how is this done? Easy, one of them is pro- and the other anti- abortion! I can't count how many people have listed everything they oppose about a presidential candidate and then begged me to vote for that same candidate in order to determine the abortion issue in the U.S. Supreme Court.So, Aspen Baker's book, Pro-Voice: How to Keep Listening When the World Wants a Fight, comes as a pleasant surprise. To begin with, this book causes me to recognize another reason I've had a distaste for the abortion debate. I don't mean that there's not really any clearly desirable position to take on it; I already realized that. I mean that the abortion debate is exceptionally simplistic, dishonestly so. And the reason for this, brought out I think by Baker, is that people who have abortions do not talk about them. There is such a stigma attached to it, that the experience of having an abortion, including the decision making process gone through, including the days and years after the abortion, including the impact on other people involved, is basically unknown. And that vacuum is filled by slogans dedicated toward legislative ends.One result of keeping abortion shameful and secret is isolation and suffering for those who have abortions. One goal of creating telephone talk-lines and websites and media coverage, as Baker's group Exhale has done, is to bring human friendship and compassion to people isolated by politics and treated as political tools by two opposing groups. Now, if you are fervently dedicated to the "pro-life" or "pro-choice" position, then the emotional state of women who have abortions may seem secondary, and how it's addressed may seem worth judging primarily in terms of how it advances or impedes another goal. But what if, without hurting your pro-choice or pro-life goal, a pro-voice approach began to create a little reconciliation between the two camps, and what if that began to create some new goals?I began reading this book skeptically. I found myself asking why a book-length account of the value of telling specific stories didn't instead just tell a few of those stories. Eventually it did, at least in excerpt form. And what happened around those stories began to seem important as well. Exhale created greeting cards for people who'd had abortions, something now also done for queer and poor families and single moms. Creating understanding and acceptance of women who've had abortions, regardless of your view of abortion, is a valuable contribution to a discussion, a negotiation. Do you view abortion as murder? Well, murderers too should be treated as human beings, and some day we may advance our understanding that far as well.Baker claims to have influenced the discourse so much that conservative groups have reduced their talk about "postabortive women" and "postabortion syndrome," choosing, Baker writes, to speak about "healing from grief and loss, rather than seeking forgiveness for a sin." And organizations have arisen to help women that include both pro-choice and pro-life staff people. In fact, Baker writes, most Americans are both pro-choice and pro-life. When Exhale advised an MTV program featuring three women's stories, the result was positive reviews both from serious feminists and from Fox News commentators. "It was not a cavalier decision she made," commented one Fox News host on one of the women featured by the MTV show, noting in effect that the woman's experience resembled reality more than common caricature.What if we all read stories like these? What if the conversation became an open one? We should, I think, all have enough confidence in our political agendas to believe they would succeed in the light of day with full information. And in fact they might. The horrendously bad aspects of abortion could be made known in a real and credible way -- much more persuasive than pro-life myths. The overwhelming moral justifications for abortion in many cases, could be more widely understood.And what if those who shout from one side or the other then began talking with each other?And what if reading the stories of women struggling through difficulties resulted in some political awareness of the extent and nature of those difficulties and how they impact each other? Women lacking access to good education, jobs, income security, healthcare, and so on (part of only a small fraction of the stories, which really come in infinite variety -- though perhaps a larger fraction among the stories that never reach the internet) -- those are women in need of more than just common human decency. But common human decency sure is a good place to start.

This is a book that will definitely lead you to self-reflection.Abortion is common and personal, yet there is a great amount stigma that surrounds the topic, which prevents women from being treated with dignity and getting the support they deserve.Aspen Baker effectively recounts the history of the abortion discussion in America and how it became so polarized into the division of pro-choice and pro-life; a division that does not accurately describe the feelings of most individuals on the topic.She demonstrates how Exhale, the organization she co-founded and leads, has effectively utilized Pro-Voice, a nonviolent and rejuvenating framework, to increase empathy and understanding between individuals.If we truly take the time to listen to each other without judgement and to share our own truths, conversations naturally shift away from conflict and towards healing, care, and support.Like abortion, there is a myriad of issues in the news, such as gay marriage, systemic racism, and immigration to name a few, that involve the complex intersections of law, morality, health, social justice, civil rights, and individual well-being. Each issue involves a group of people being stigmatized.After reading this book I feel empowered to seek more opportunities surrounding the issues that I care about, which create spaces where people are open to listening and others feel safe to talk so that empathy can increase."There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you hear their story.”

Pro Voice: How to Keep Listening When the World Wants a Fight is a provocative book because it does not seek to provoke. Written by Aspen Baker, founder of Exhale, the book details the founding and history of the post-abortion counseling service. Refusing to work under the bright light of either pro-life or pro-choice, Exhale thrives in the gray; providing a non-politicized, non-judgmental place for those impacted by abortion to share their stories.The book also elaborates on the value of the pro-voice way of approaching social issues. It is not either/or, right versus wrong, black or white. It acknowledges the complexities of human life and the personal and unique issues of the individual. Pro-Voice says that each person’s life experiences have value, and that understanding those experiences can help build bridges across even the most vicious political divides.Baker has a casual, personable writing style that is easy to read. There is a refreshing humility to her writing. She isn’t pretending to have all of the answers. Rather, Pro-Voice provides a way to make sure we actually hear the real questions.Reviewer's note: I was given a comp copy of this title for review.