Expecting Adam: A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic

I think that Martha Beck is honestly trying to write a book about 1) How to come to terms with having a child with Down's syndrome, and 2) How to survive in a world that seems to be against you.At those two purposes, she fails miserably.However, this is a fascinating book, because it is a few levels deep, and is actually about much more than Martha intended it to be.If you're reading this review, you've probably already read this book. It's really worth another read, keeping one or more of the following topics in mind.Topic #1: A woman's struggle with bulimiaSigns of this first topic permeate the first half of the book. I hesitate to bring this up, because I know that morning sickness, especially severe morning sickness is real. However, there are cues to that this is not just morning sickness, and it's not just the unusually violent morning sickness because of her autoimmune disorder. It's something more. Like many people with bulimia, Martha hates her bulimia. She would love to talk about it, but she needs to keep it guarded. During her descriptions of throwing up, it becomes obvious that she's been wanting to talk about throwing up for quite a while, but that the only way she can "safely" do so is to mask her bulimia behind her morning sickness.Topic #2: A wife's denial that she is in love with a gay manJohn is made out to be a manly man--an artificially manly man. In fact, whenever he can be talked about as manly, he is described as manly. Why does she have this need to make him into being so manly? Also, a pervasive theme throughout this book is how connected they are, how they are soul mates. This is all done in a very artificial way. Martha seems to be trying to convince herself way too hard that John loves her in a straight way.Topic #3: How mean spiritedness can sometimes help people to copeIt's interesting how this book has been rated so high, and Martha's subsequent book has been rated so low. Both use the technique of mean spiritedness. However, I think that the difference is who the mean spiritedness is directed at.In this book the mean spiritedness is directed at a) Stuffy Harvard intellectuals, who push people too hard academically, b) People with prejudice toward people with disabilities, and c) People who viscously advocate a "abortion at all costs" attitude toward children. These are all socially accepted people to be mean spirited towards.In her next book, the mean spiritedness is directed at a) her dying 90-year-old father, and b) devout religious people. Devout religious people is an iffy topic to be mean spirited toward, but being mean spirited toward your dying 90-year-old father is always taboo.It's fascinating how this book does a pretty good job at masking her mean spiritedness, because of whom the mean spiritedness is targeted to.I know that a lot of people use the coping mechanism of being mean after the fact when the people who hurt them are no longer there. However, I think there are much better ways of dealing with underlying problems.Topic #4: How some people "sensitively" treat people with disabilities as animalsI've noticed that the people I know who have members of their families with disabilities fall into three categories: a) that they treat their family members as equals, b) that they treat their family members as "special" or animals, that they can condescendingly "learn" from, and c) that they really don't like their family members, and they ignore or shun them. I think that of the people I know, that 80% fall into the first category, 10% fall into the second, and 10% fall into the third.Martha Beck falls into the second category. Adam is not an equal. He is someone to condescendingly "learn" from. I was thinking this all the way through the book, and I was surprised when Martha confirmed this by literally comparing Adam to a pet cat in the last 20 pages.I was sad about this. I know a lot of people who are in the first category, who aren't condescending to their family members with disabilities. It's too bad that more of those people don't write books about their stories.Topic #5: Hypochondria doesn't even do this topic justiceThe author mentions every time that John was sick in the seven years chronicled by this book. The author mentions about ten different diseases or disorders that she has, none of which is bulimia or mental illness, which I could believe. I could believe that she has an occasional disorder or two, but ten is a bit much to be believable.Topic #6: How an extremely religious upbringing can leave someone soullessThis topic fascinates me. Martha grew up in a regimented, religious environment. She tried to escape it by going atheist for a while, and then was ultimately pulled back fiercely, and became a lot more of a "religious crazy" than she ever was before.This kind of thing happens all of the time. Look at any religious fanatic that you have ever met, and they have the same story...a) Extremely strict and kind of weird religious upbringing, b) an attempt to escape and an attempt to turn their backs without ever dealing with the issues that their upbringing caused, and c) the metamorphosis into being a prophet-like figure, by figuring out some new truths above and beyond what the religious dogma of their youth taught, and d) a need to share these new truths with others.This is Martha's story to a T.And, the fascinating thing is that this cycle leaves a person without a heart and without a soul, and totally fixated on their new religious truths.Topic #7: A chronicle of one person's descent into mental illnessUsually, if someone has a supernatural "gift," then it would get exhibited in one or two ways. Martha has about twenty distinctly different supernatural "gifts." I think that Superman only has about 15, and those are the fictional products of over 100 writers over the last 70 years.I think that one supernatural gift is believable. Two to three are questionable, and four or more indicate mental illness. Martha has twenty.The fascinating thing for me was trying to figure out what was actually real.

I was so moved by this book that I would like to give a copy to every person I love and care about. This book is about how truly misguided the idea of "success" in our society has become. It is about choosing to make your life more meaningful and happy.Although some reviewers refer to it as a spiritual book, it is a powerful sociological analysis of the deep-seated prejudices in our society against being "different" or "unusual". What could be more natural than a mother deciding to behave like one? Yet what is most astonishing in the story is the refusal of so many people to understand and support that decision.I myself am a person who deeply believes in a woman's choice, and yet I remain amazed by those ignorant enough to insist that "choice" means believing in abortion-particularly with regard to disabled children. Martha Beck's "choice" was to give birth to her child. How many times have I thought to myself how lucky my husband and I were not to have known that our daughter would some day be labeled "disabled". I cannot imaging being deprived of her miraculous and deeply treasured self, simply because she has turned out to be different than our expectations. When women choose abortions, it has to do with their own lives, and needs, and resources. This book is about why that is such a wonderful way to help a child enter the world. Martha Beck made her choices understanding that she was choosing for herself, and not because the baby she was carrying met, exceeded or disappointed her own or others' expectations. She has a lesson to teach all of us-even the reader from Brooklyn so offended by the way the author uses Harvard in the book.This story is the story of a couple, both of whom suffered from a belief that their "value" stemmed from their intelligence, their academic achievement, and their professional potential. At different points in their lives, both were forced up against the knowledge that they had been pursuing goals and lives entirely devoted to proving them worthy of being loved. These lives were called into serious question by the challenge of being faced with the birth of their second child, who would be born retarded. Although the author talks a lot about Harvard, it is not about trying to impress us with the meaning of her Harvard degrees.For those readers who start out their lives already so wise and well-adjusted they can't imagine why kids who go to exclusive schools are sometimes so in awe of that achievement-which seems so egotistical-perhaps this book is not necessary. However, for those like the rest of us, who question the values around us, but still founder when daring to imagine things differently, the book is a godsend. Though it may come as a shock to many educationally and professionally successful people to hear that the reverse side of a high IQ is sometimes an enormous sense of self-doubt and a lack of feelings of self-worth, it is nonetheless very true. One has to be fairly driven to compete in much of today's academic and professional world-given the costs demanded as "ritual sacrifices" by the Gods of Success. And in order to ignore our natural tendencies to seek pleasure rather than pain, a certain amount of necessary approval from parents and teachers has to be made contingent on academic and professional achievement or else normal folk won't be willing to suffer the sacrifices. By allowing us to understand the Harvard environment, the author helps us to understand just how desperately she and her husband believed they had to be "successful" in that world in order to feel worthy of love.Their lesson-part of the spiritual tale which is also a focus of the story-is that we all deserve to be loved-not for what we achieve but for who we are. This is not what they teach at Harvard-or any other academic institution of high repute, as far as I have observed. Lots of people will not need to hear that lesson-but every parent should, even if they already believe they know everything about parenting. Imagine a world in which all children were as wanted and as loved as Adam-it would be like heaven on earth.This book is about trying to get back on track with what the most profound goals of our lives should be, and how to achieve them. Ironically, there is not as much information about having a disabled child, or about that child himself, as there is about the beauty in taking life as it comes. My mother used to say that every person wakes up every day and is forced to decide whether to see the donut or the hole. My mom always chose the donut. That was her greatest gift to me. My daughter has continued in that family tradition of giving. Reading this book, which made me weep and chuckle out loud all week on PATH trains and New York City subways--to the dismay of other passengers--, has given me a "refresher course" in why such help remains necessary. Too many people have lost touch with the real beauty in life or have lost the ability to notice simple beauty--it is a natural talent of children, and the gift that Adam brought to the Becks. Many people of course, have never had it. In a time of great "prosperity", books like this can help you to focus--or refocus--on what is most precious in our lives.

After reading the book INTEGRITY by the same author, I decided to read this book to try to understand a friend/ client better. Although it's impossible to fully grasp the depth and breadth of her experience, I do feel closer to understanding what it must be like to mother a child who has an extra chromosome, and a whole lot of magic. And, surprisingly, this book went above and beyond that.PROS:- Very pleasant. Super easy read.- It felt like a movie in my mind.- Martha is HILARIOUS. I laughed out loud... multiple time! Like, truly truly!- The end is SO good. I found myself wanting so much more.CONS:- The use of the "R" word created a bit of constriction within me.Other than the use of a certain "R" word that didn't sit too well with me, I've found this book to be EXCELLENT, and would highly recommend it to anyone who wants to laugh and cry and FEEL.

Es una de las historias más hermosas que he leído nunca y está contada con esa maestría, ese sentido del humor y esa sensibilidad de Martha Beck. Celebro que la autora anotara tantos detalles y tantas conversaciones de esa época de su vida para haberlas reproducido tan bien en este libro.

I absolutely loved this book. Having read all of Martha Beck's other self-help books, I was intrigued to find out more about her life pre-coaching and especially her experience around expecting, and giving birth to, Adam, her second child. Written with Martha's customary wit,humour and insight, this is a book about how she was transformed by her second pregnancy and how Adam brought in magic, serendipity, love and angels into her previously academic, scientific and intellectual life. It's a life-affirming read, which nevertheless never gets 'new agey', or schmaltzy - it's firmly based in lived experience - the pleasure and the pain, the good and the bad. I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who believes there's so much more to this world than the eye can see, and a life worth seeking in intuition and heart beats, beyond material success.

Es ist vordergründig eine Lebensgeschichte, aber es geht total in die Tiefe, zeigt Wandlung, Erkenntnisse, die Wunder des Lebens und gibt nachzudenken über das eigene Leben und seine Wertvorstellungen.Auch das Englisch ist gut verständlich.

が自ら妊娠・出産を通してダウン症のお子さんと関わった記録です。ダウン症に限らず障害を持った子供達が教えてくれる事は少なくありません。一部神秘的な記載もありますが、読み物として全体の魅力を損なう事は無いと思います。