How You Can Survive When They're Depressed: Living and Coping with Depression Fallout Paperback – May 18, 1999

I knew my husband was not the only depressive in the world, but a lot of his attitude that I attributed to his personality through ordinary every day changes I am realizing are part of his disease. Anne Sheffield really captured every thing I was going through, and the exact feeling I felt on an everyday basis. I have gone through the stages of depression fallout almost like clockwork for the last two years. As the desire to leave continued to grow and come more rapidly I knew I was somehow being effected, but never in my mind did I stop and realize how much. Annes' book opened my eyes to see how damaged I had become, and truly honestly inspired me to find me again through the mess. I found my strength and my voice through her readings, and the story's she has shared of others. She showed me that our house had become his realm of sorrow, that I was not welcomed in. Well that strength that I gained through her book, allowed me to open his realm to MY DAMNED HOUSE!! I use to blame myself for what was happening, now Anne allowed me to see how I cannot have control over him, and because of that I am no longer taking his depressive abuse. My relationship has not grown nor has it mended itself, but as long as I know who I am I can remember who my husband was, and that one day that noise coming from the mouth, the body, and from the shell that is on MY couch will one day find its way to him again. I know now how to decipher the depression and my husband, so I do not get too close to his depressive counterpart. Like many, my husband goes through stages, I have realized which stages to penetrate, n by doing that, I have seen more strength then I have in his eyes since he was diagnosed. I cannot promise you will get the same strength I have gained from reading this, but I do believe that your relationships rely within it, and you must try to at least see which pages have you written on them. This book helps US, holds OUR stories, and lets us know we are not alone. We need to be strong if we expect them to...

This book can be a great help. If you are around someone who is suffering from depression, the load of everyday life can be terribly heavy. It helps so much to understand what is going on with your depressed loved one, but also to know that other people go through this too. The realization that you are not doing everything wrong, though the other makes you feel this way often, is very liberating. It can give you the strength you need to put more time and effort into helping the other conquer or understand their own inner tormentor. It can help you objectify the problem and your role in it, and protect yourself by keeping the necessary distance so that you don't get swallowed up by it - and sometimes even to walk away from it altogether if it threatens to destroy you. And if you can get the other to read it, too, then they can read a more objective - and less accusing - report on what life has been (or is) like for you, making it easier for them to understand what you have been going through, reducing the risk of an unproductive me-you discussion.Though I tend to want to be self-reliant and think I don't need outside help, I don't honestly know if we (my then-boyfriend and I) would have been able to process, and leave behind us (and move on), the terrible period we had together had it not been for this book.

This book does an excellent job of helping people who love someone who is depressed realize that they are not going crazy themselves, failing, or unworthy of love, care, and respect. When you love someone who is depressed, it is easy to think that you have failed at helping them, that you are not good enough for them, that you are not worth care or effort, or that you are doing something wrong. It is also easy to forget sometimes that what you are dealing with is depression and not someone who is unkind, grumpy, or rude. This book is like a helpful therapist that can remind you: no, this is not your fault. This is a disease that your loved one has that is very tricky, difficult, and complex. This is a helpful book to bring perspective to things.Like other reviewers there is a concern that the author is clearly biased toward treatment with medication and dismissive of talk therapy. She does not see them as a two important approaches working together, but rather sees medication as the first and main way to treat most depressive disorders and talk therapy as a possible supplement to pharmaceutical treatment. She does not present this as one way of seeing things among many, but as the clear best way forward. I would caution readers that this is not the accepted norm and that often to treat depression both medicine and talk therapy are needed. This is a widely accepted view. I imagine she is concerned that people spend too much time in talk therapy when there is a severe neurological issue at hand that will respond well and quickly to medication. Yet she does not validate any of the mind-body research being done that demonstrates the ways that our histories, minds, and bodies are complex and interactive systems. In the same way that diabetes can often be successfully treated by insulin, but can also respond very well to changes in diet, well-being, and lifestyle, depression too can often be treated with medication, but can also respond very well to other ways of addressing the complex relationship between our histories, minds, and bodies. Overall I think the book is excellent, but I would have liked to see the author paint a more nuanced view of the ways that depression can be treated. It is a disease, certainly, but it would be helpful to acknowledge the research that shows the varied and complex origins of such disease and the varied and complex ways that disease manifests in our lives.

Very helpful book and I have recommended it to friends who have someone living with them and having depression. Informative and the 5 stages that one goes through while not having the depression yet feeling you do. Helpful and a useful tool.

If you're in two minds whether to buy this - then I can strongly recommend you take a chance and buy it.I found it more accessible and helpful than Anne Sheffield's later book "Depression Fallout" which I bought first, although that's also very good. I rarely bother writing reviews, but if your life has taken the sort of turns where you're now looking at books like this - then I'd like to help a tiny bit by offering my thoughts on this book. It's really helped me manage to live with my wife's depression.A depressive herself, and a daughter of a depressive mother, Sheffield has lived this first hand, and she uses real life examples of people she knows to cover lots of ideas whilst keeping it always...human. There are some tops tips and frameworks to hang your own experiences on on, and Sheffield critiques clinical and diagnostic ideas and treatments, whilst never losing sight of the people. There was lots here for me, even simply knowing I'm not alone. There are plenty of "oh yes, I know that one" moments. On a Kindle you can even read it 'in secret'.Might just be the best eight pounds you ever spend. Good luck either way.

I must admit that I didn't finish this book. I only read about half of it and I really am under the impression that the author has either been paid by the pharma industry or really believes (maybe from limited experience) that the medication is so magic that it solves all problems the depressive has.I know how important medication can be, but I also know what psychotherapy can do and that both should work together. That is at least here in Germany an uncontested truth!In this book the author writes about the sole magic the antidepressants work, she seems to be convinced that the medication will lift the depression magically (she even uses the word "magic"!).I really regret this, as this book seemed so promising for us relatives of depressives. A pity!

When my husbands depression turned our world upside down, I was not able to grasp what had happened and how until I read this book. It was a lifeline and gave me some food for thought and good resources. I don't know how I would have got through if I had not found it.

I got lots of helpful information initially. Towards the end, although well written, the case studies dragged on a bit.I would definitely recommend as a read for newbies dealing with having a depressive live on close proximity.