Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

In reflecting on ways to make the world a better place, one of the first things we need is better methods of communication. Influenced by Mahatma Gandhi's philosophy of nonviolence, Marshall Rosenberg provides these tools in his book, 'Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.'Seeking to de-colonize our mental processes of violent attitudes, he illustrates that the language we use has been en-culturated in us, and shows us how we can change our dialogue. By doing so, he demonstrates how we can connect with others and ourselves empathetically. His methods are easy to learn yet hard to master because the difficulty is breaking through the chains that condition us.Most of us have been taught to place blame and feel shame. These are the feelings that Mr. Rosenberg seeks to bypass to provide us with more constructive ways of dealing with interpersonal and intrapersonal conflict.Summarizing the communication model he advocates, in dialogue during tense situations first we must state our observations in a non-rebuking manner, with an awareness of the words we use and their potential impact on others. Next we state our feelings, again without placing blame on others. He emphasizes that although others may be a stimulus for how we are feeling only we are in control of our actual feelings. Therefore the words we use cannot assign fault of any kind to others. Then, we state the need that is causing our feeling. Finally, we make a request for action to meet the need we have identified.Throughout his exposition on method he provides examples and case studies of its use, including times when he had to use the method himself. Then he goes on to illustrate how the method can be used in internal dialogue with ourselves to identify feeling states such as shame. His approach can be be used in both domestic relations and with our professional relationships, promoting better home environments as well as more pleasant work atmospheres.Obviously, in order to use the method effectively, self reflection is key, and we need to work through our feelings before attempting to initiate dialogue so that we are on guard and are able to choose our words wisely when confronting others. With one minor mis-step we are back in the blame shame game and instead of reaching empathetic connection, interactions will escalate into the angry confrontations that we are used to.By stepping back, and self reflecting before we confront, we can analyze the particular need that is spurring our anger in a given situation. By stating this need in a non accusatory manner we can relate more empathetically when we do relate to those who are provoking our anger. The same approach works in conflict in which both parties are angry. By recognizing each others needs the parties can begin to work out their conflict more empathetically.The merit of this model is that it teaches us to become more aware of how we react, provides us skills in self reflection, as well as providing us with a means of getting in touch with our feelings. We react according to how we have been taught. Re-teaching ourselves a new method of interacting and being is the challenge. However, by attempting the model we can begin to understand how much conditioning we have had even if we fail at first.I like how Mr. Rosenberg puts his main points in bullets making it easy for a reader to take notes. I also like the case studies he included showing the method in action. I doubt the book is as effective as a workshop with Mr. Rosenberg because of all the conditioning we have had that a workshop would increase our awareness of. Still, there is a lot in this book worth reflecting on and this general summary cannot adequately convey how to use this particular approach to dialogue. Readers are encouraged to read what Mr. Rosenberg has to say before attempting the method that he advocates. For anyone seeking alternative methods to interpersonal relations this book is worth checking out.

This book is the most practical book I have ever read, and one of the most powerful. I hate the title, because I interpret the "non-violent" part as being abusive... but this books is really about Compassionate Communication. I think EVERYONE should read this, and am using it to teach my 2 and 3 year old how to communicate. So often we focus on vocabulary and grammar, but don't realize there is so much more to communication. I hope to get them grounded in these concepts early on, so they don't have to spend so much time having to unlearn or relearn as an adult. I have read many other books, and they all offer generic advice such as "listen empathetically" which is great advice, but doesn't provide insight into HOW to do it. THIS BOOKS IS ALL ABOUT THE "HOW" TO COMMUNICATE. I really appreciate the examples, and 'homework' type assignments. I was profoundly impacted by the lesson on taking responsibility for my INTERPRETATION of what others say. Previously, I have been told "you give power to others to let them make you feel guilty, angry, etc." In this more [traditional] explanation, others still are making me feel some emotion. Rosenberg helped point out that I really do have control of my own feelings - it's not what others say, it's how we interpret it. I have control over my own interpretations. There are very view jerks out there who are purposely trying to hurt us... why do we interpret, particularly from our loved ones, that they are trying to hurt us? We should seek to clarify... "when you say that, using that tone of voice, I hear this ... is that what you meant?" Many friends have commented to me, "you and your husband communicate so well together... how do you do it?" And I refer this book. I would buy it in cases and give it away to everyone if I could.Regarding some of the negative reviews:I find it interesting that one review comments this book doesn't give credit to any previous work. I would have found it helpful if the reviewed provided additional resources to direct others too - whether we like the book or not - we could all use help communicating better. Why trash the book, but not provide specific alternatives?Yes, it provides a list of specific words to use, but I found this extremely helpful and illustrative as examples discussed in the book, and not an end all be all list of words to use. I don't think the author was limiting at all.

Read it for a psychology class from a copy in the library and bought my own copy after.

Its a slow read. Questions simple things and points out blind spots in our everyday lives. Recommend rereading it for best results :)

Con muchos ejemplos de como aplicar una comunicación noviolenta en nuestras vidas, es un libro muy inspirador que nos da esperanza de un mundo mejor para todos los seres humanos.

Em uma linguagem simples e acessível, o autor aborda maneiras extremamente eficazes de inserir o amor na comunicação diária. Um livro imperdível a qualquer indivíduo que desejarmelhorar suas relações e sua sintonia com as pessoas, consigo mesmo e com a vida.

I love the book and I ve a profound admiration for the author. I higly advise to anyone. It shows how much sometimes we are carried but speed, lack of emphapty.It really puts relationships at the core of life.I have also applied the active listening with my daugther and I can tell you, she very much appreciate and I also enjoy it.I have stopped multitasking while people talking to me and give them full attention or visual one.Please by it we can make a better world for us and our children