Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness

Another one bites the dust or the trouble with gurus. It is rare that a religious organization has a tell all from someone who has been so high in the organization. The sex abuse in the Catholic Church as an example of deceit well hidden. Tredwell's book is a warning to all spiritual aspirants. Test your guru before you fall in love with them. This isn't a new problem witness the fall from grace of innumerable religious leaders.. Unfortunately this book will probably not reach its target audience, the spiritually naive who are most at risk. Tredwell does a excellent job at showing how anyone can fall into the trap of guru devotion and then justify the guru's abuse of power as "working on their karma". Anyone. I have seen PhD's in religious studies, movie stars and millionaires as well a s a ll kinds of very brilliant people fall prey while looking for God and meaning. I have seen Gurus become seduced by the power they get from adulation and crash and burn.Marx called religion the opiate of the people because when one is addicted all one does is not think and reason well and crave more. These narcissistic sociopaths take advantage of that.I suspect that the bad reviews come from Amma's devotees who have been instructed to write reviews to bury this book in the bowels of history. I would disregard them.I find this sad but not surprising. So why only 4 stars? The book while well written, isn't balanced there is more to the story of Gail and Amma which Gail only vaguely refers to. Gail clearly was instrumental in the building of Amma's huge empire. I would have liked to have known more about the role she played. Amma has also done great good in this world despite her failings.She provided significant aid to earthquake victims in Gugerat , tsunami victims in South India, and elsewhere, built hospitals etc. I suspect many of these projects also led to her tolerating the abuse.There was good being performed. Nonetheless, It doesn't justify it. Are there incorruptible Guru's out there? Yes not very many and they shun publicity for the most part.As the saying goes our experiences are our karma. Somehow it is our responsibly to put our lives in order to come to peace with our past. That requires not condoning these people's behavior, but being grateful for what we did learn about ourselves and life and developing compassion for all involved.I think this book is a cautionary tale for those seeking God in whatever way. It is a must read with the other caveats included. I would also recommend "AFTER THE ECSTASY, the laundry" by Jack Kornfield.

I was impressed by Gail Tredwell's writing, especially for a first book. Definitely better than expected based on some of the reviews I had read. It was quite descriptive and kept me engaged--I read it in a matter of hours.But more importantly, it seemed like a genuine effort towards finding and communicating the truth. I like truth. I don't know what really went on at the M.A. Math although I was involved in a low key way for about 10 years at a U.S. M.A Center quite awhile back. I just knew to not get too involved, I could see there were things going on that I would not want to be involved with. I saw a lot of ego manifesting in many ways. I could see that despite Ammachi's powerful spiritual aura, there was a mythology being created around and about her. I did profoundly enjoy the music and the beautiful Indian ritual involving flower petals, oil lamps and camphor and most of all the love that seemed to radiate from Ammachi and the love and fellowship of the people who came to the events.However, I had some experiences that eventually made me realize being involved with the M.A. Center was really not for me. A few of them vaguely echoed some of the experiences mentioned in Holy Hell, but for the most part I was not privy to the kinds of information and experience Gail was.I heard from people who had gone to India years ago that some of Ammachi's relatives were building big palatial houses on the other side of the river and did not believe that her family's fishing business could have taken off to that extent. I would go into the question line and find that Ammachi did not know what was on my mind as we were told she did and would not understand the background information relating to my question, so would not answer it in a meaningful way. I actually never really believed that Ammachi was too pure to menstruate, that her body worked in such a supernatural way because she had Type 1 diabetes and neck issues, both very human conditions. I heard people referring to Amma and her enterprises as Amma Inc. at least a decade ago because it was generally acknowledged it had become a big business.There is enough concurrence by others of some of Gail's claims that her narrative needs to be taken seriously. There are accounts by people agreeing that Ammachi indeed does hit and abuse those in her service and that smuggling and tax fraud takes place. It is very unclear how much of the vast amount of donations that are given to the M.A. Math go to charities although it is clear some of it does. I think that should be explained in detail by the M.A. Math with along with an ongoing public accounting of all donations received and what they are utilized for. Records of their financial plans should be provided.I just want the truth to come out and soon because many people have dedicated their lives to the service of Ammachi and her mission. I say this not knowing what the truth is, just whatever it is let the sunlight shine on a situation which clearly has harmed a number of people and has the potential to harm many more. And I mean on both sides....I suggest Gail provide whatever evidence she has to support her views soon as well. If even a portion of what Gail claims went on at Ammachi's ashram and on the tours is true, then this would likely be devastating to many people. They may wind up feeling duped and very angry--and even worse feel they have wasted years of their precious lives and find themselves lost and deeply disillusioned. At least let it be over if it needs to be. Let them move on if necessary.And if Ammachi and her swamis are largely innocent of the unethical and cruel actions described by Gail, let them be exonerated.The moral of this story, IMO, is be captain of your own ship. Don't give over your power to a guru or any other type of spiritual leader. We've seen and heard the story of corrupt gurus over and over--Sathya Sai Baba, Muktananda and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to name just a few. Also in some corrupt Christian ministries and in the Catholic Church priest pedophilia situation. The truth must be found in our own hearts and even then, it is still a little suspect because we have human hearts that are so affected by our own hopes, fears, desires and egos. Question even your own self. Where does faith come in? I don't know but somewhere...but faith in the light itself, not in a fallible human.As Lord Acton said--power corrupts and absolute power tends to corrupt absolutely. He had it right. Humans tend to be corrupted by power.I have read some of the letters from Ammachi devotees criticizing Gail for her human weaknesses such as feeling annoyed when the gifts given to the female brahmacharinis were less than those to the males, and that she desired more comfort and love for herself. Her honesty about her own weaknesses are her strength (if those things are even weaknesses) and the feelings she described seemed completely normal and natural for a human being, especially under circumstances of abuse and exhaustion. When we acknowledge who we really are, we can evolve. As long as we are deluding ourselves and/or others we are stunted.The best outcome of the publishing of Holy Hell would be for more truth and more light to manifest.

Anyone who has a guru should read this and check their reality!I have been a devotee if Amma for almost as long now as Gail served her in the Ashram and on her tours. Scales fell from my eyes as I read this book. I’m not disillusioned or disheartened at losing my faith because I think I was ready to see the truth beyond my beliefs. Gail’s account simply resonated with things I’ve glimpsed, heard or sensed; things I’ve questioned but rationalised away as is normal in the culture around Amma.I finally have the courage to be free and to be my own authority through my direct perception of divinity in everything. I am grateful for the many powerful experiences I have had in Amma’s presence but the time for hierarchies, especially patriarchal ones has passed for me.

This is a truly courageous memoir and all credit to Gail for sharing her experiences, especially those which are deeply traumatic. The depth of her devotion is inspiring and the memoir contains many pointings for the geniune seeker of truth. Thank you Gail.

A must read for anyone intent on embarking on a spiritual quest for a Guru. A bit of a boring read, in parts, but the message is so true and vehement that it is worth reading. Kudos to the author's courage in exposing a decadent cult.

J'ai pris beaucoup de plaisir à lire les mémoires de Gayatrî (Gail Tredwell) qui vécut et servit pendant 20 ans son Maître spirituel connue sous le nom d'Amma. Son témoignage est sincère et courageux et intéressera tous ceux qui ont côtoyé Amma et son mouvement ou plus simplement les personnes intéressées par la quête spirituelle. Si toutefois vous ne lisez pas l'anglais vous pouvez, dans le même registre, lire l'ouvrage de Jacques Albohair (qui fut le compagnon de route de Gail) : "L'Empire d'Amma", disponible sur Amazon.

Yet another book exposing the dynamics of a manipulative Guru. In this case, a similar one to Baghwan in terms of a 'Western' appeal. What struck me most though was that Gail writes a gripping, honest and important account of her experiences. Well worth a read.